I Fear

I love weekend trips that turn into so much more than you ever thought they would be. I was anticipating just a fun, cold weekend in Chicago, a little bit of work, good food, and fun times with Janel. God had other things in mind.
On the drive up (a 5 hour jaunt up 65/94) I could sense the Spirit was doing a work in my life. God has been doing some heart surgery lately in my life - and I anticipate it continuing for the next few months.
I had no traffic until I got about 20 exits away from where I needed to be and STOP. Don't know what happened but does one ever know what happens to cause traffic jams in the early afternoon of a Saturday? So...I was a little late. Even then God was busy working.
So, I text some friends just to be praying as God was doing his work, and He continued right through the weekend. Janel had the Esther DVD from Beth Moore - I watched a bit of it. Through watching that, reading the end of Deuteronomy and the beginning of Joshua, and talking with a friend who I can be completely real with...two truths about my life came out.
I Fear.
I Fear A LOT!

Beth Moore pretty much said this. If ________, then ___________. Let me fill it in. If I eat too much, then I will gain weight. If I gain weight, then I won't be cool anymore. If I am not cool anymore, than I will be lonely. You get my drift. She said basically your logic had to be
"If __________, then GOD. It always had to be God in that second blank. If not, then something is amiss.
And that tied into something I heard recently - whatever you fear - that is your god. So, let me do some sentences for you....
I fear getting the dream job, because I fear failing at it (or not being OUTSTANDING at it.
(god = success)
I fear gaining weight, because I won't be a role model to other girls and I won't be attractive or be successful in ministry. (god = self image, pride)
I fear rejection by friends, because then that will mean something is wrong with me because they don't like to be around me anymore. (god = friendships)
I fear never getting married, because someone won't love me enough, and like me enough, to commit the rest of his life to me. (god = marriage, relationships).
I fear failure, because I have to be good at what I do (god = success).
I fear people getting to know me, because what if they just like me at a distance, then once they get to know me, they don't like me anymore (god = people, popularity).

Beth said something else. Sometimes we fear not getting married because we don't want to be alone. But, then we fear marriage because what if we get it and its not as great as we always dreamed or we screw it up somehow? I fear not getting that dream job, then I fear getting it because what if I am not good at it and people don't like what I do?

Do you hear these statements? Do you see what brought me to tears this weekend?
I trust in other things besides the God of the Universe!
Here are some verses (it is so often used in Scripture):
Numbers 14 - "The Lord is with you, do not fear."
Dt. 31 - "The Lord will be with you and won't forsake you, do not fear."
Ps 118 -"The Lord is on my side, therefore I will not fear."
Jere 42 - "Do not fear them, declares the Lord, for I am with you."
Joel 2 - "Fear not, but rejoice and be glad, for the Lord has done great things."
Matt 10 - "Do not fear those who can kill the body, but cannot kill the soul."
Heb 13: "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, for what can man do to me?"

Basically, in my reading....If I trust and obey, if I obey the greatest commandment, then I will not fear. If I am fearing, then I am not obeying. I need to obey.

What do you fear?