Day and Night

Something new...being obedient to all the Psalms that command us to meditate both day and night on the Word.
Psalm 1 is a good place to start.
Well, I am finally obeying it. In his strength, for His glory in my life, mind, heart, and then eventually hopefully in the lives of others, in my writing, and in the world...the Word takes root.
Here is the plan: simple. I read a Psalm before going to bed - helping me rejoice in the day and worship the One who made it. A proverb before going about my day - wanting wisdom, practical ways I can live in obedience today.
Random ways this has been good: day 1 I was able to text a verse to a friend who is praying through many different options for her life right now. It was a good verse for her - Prov 1.33. Psalm 1 helped me remember why I needed to do this in the first place. Ps 3 - last night I fell asleep on the couch and I dreamed about people being able to break into my screen door from my porch. I woke up, went to bed, reading Ps 3 about dwelling in safety and Him providing sound sleep. God is wonderful.
This morning: feeling horrible from my Italian dinner last night both in mind and in body - I read Prov 3. I thanked God for his mercies, grace, forgiveness, and a new day. Here are some wys that is evident to me in that proverb:
1. Do not forget teaching (mind, I know what I need to eat, not eat to live my body in a way glorifying to God), but heart keep commands (but I crave in my heart things that aren't good for me). But I need to remember that the heart is deceitful and above all desparately wicked.
2. Steadfast love and faithfulness need to be how I relate to everyone I come in contact with: to find favor and good success with men.
3. If I turn away from my own wisdom (and worthless rationale) and seek the wisdom that comes from God (which is found in this Book), then it will bring healing to my flesh and refreshment to my bones. Do you take the Word literally. Most people claim that the Word has nothing really to say about health and our bodies and what we do we them or how we treat them by what we intake. We live this out in most of our churches actually. In most of our homes. But, this passage: Prov 3.7-8 speaks to just that. If we turn away from seeking our own wisdom and evil things (over eating, indulgent and seeking our worth in food) then it will bring healing to our bones, refreshment to our bodies. I love that promise!
4. Honor the Lord with your wealth...here is a recapture of Mal 3. God is blessing me in many ways and I've seen the truth of this played out in my life. Neat how God says He will reward obedience - and He really does. When He tells us to "test him in this" (Mal 3) He actually will come through. That is the amazing God we serve.
5. Do not grow tired of His reproof: I even was so glad He gave me an upset stomach this morning and wiggly vision last night (after eating so much white pasta and white bread). This is part of his reproof in my life for overeating and not heading my body and how He has made it. I want to be obedient in this way. I desire the Lord's correction in that.
6. He blesses the dwelling of the righteous. This last proverb in chapter 3 brought to mind two others. Often times we'll see signs that "Bless This House" - sorta the welcome sign on most southern doors. But, do we think about this verse. He blesses the home of the righgteous. I think in light of Proverbs and preceeding verses he is talking about those who make righteous choices and seek wisdom and understanding. But, also and most importantly...our righteousness is found in Christ - we must abide there. If we abide there, part A will come.

Do you meditate on Scripture day and night - do you see it impacting your day?

True Woman Chattanooga: James MacDonald

I've long been a fan of James MacDonald's Walk in the Word on radio. Even though I've lived relatively near his church in the Chicago area for almost 3 years now, I've yet to be to his church. He preached tonight on trials - to go with his life of the past 5 years and his new book, When Life is Hard.
James 1
1. Consider your trials joy.
Trials are going to come. We are called to be joyful – not happy. If you have been riding the roller coaster of happinesss – you don’t get what James is saying here. Joy: supernatural delight. Joy is from God. You can’t do this for yourself. Joy is:
1. In the person of God. Who He is – in His attributes – we are called to delight in the person of God. Your heart will be restless until you rest.
2. In the purpose of God. God has a purpose. There is a God who rules the universe.
3. In the people of God. You can’t just get “a thing” going on with just anyone – it is found in the body of Christ. There is a joy in relationships.
Trials obliterate happiness, but they enhance joy. Consider it joy when you “fall into” “various” (same word for Joseph’s coat of many colors) – all shapes and sizes, different for each person. Our God is marking our steps. Consider it – count it – you can’t come to the conclusion that trials are a joy if you don’t think about them. Consider is translated “to press your mind into”. Get a pen and paper the reasons why I can think about trial as a joyful thing. A helpful thing to consider is why we are put here on this earth. The reason I get to draw another breath is so we can display the life of God. That is why Christians go through trials – people can see something different.
God’s love isn’t a pampering love – it’s a perfecting love. Your Mom may be like that, but God’s not like that. God is not interested in putting a smile on my face by Friday. God stands outside of time – He sees the end from the beginning.
You can’t come to the joyful conclusion about trials filling your face with food to dull the pain; by filling your mind with entertainment to dull your pain; by filling your heart with anger about the wrong that has been done to you to dull the pain; by filling your body with substance abuse to dull the pain. You can only come to the joyful conclusion of trials by counting it, by considering it. You have to right size your trials. Big God, small trials. Not Big Trials, Small God.
2. Trials produces staying power. 1.3. Ps 27.13. You have to get the part that God is trying to get to you. Most people don’t like tests. But, we must know that the TESTing of your faith produces “hupo mene” – under remain. Testing produces “to remain under”. Here are three questions that we must answer.
a. Do I believe that God is in control?
b. Do I believe that God is good?
c. Am I willing to wait by faith until the darkness becomes light?

The first thing we want to do is get out of our trials. There is no exit ramp. God is trying to grow in you the ability to remain under. Name 4 things we want to do instead of remaining under:
1. We complain.
2. We lash out.
3. We bail.
4. We fold or despair.
Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God so that he might exalt you at the proper time. You can’t make it through trials without a deep, abiding sense of your partnership with the God of the Universe.
3. Trials produce life transformation. 1.4. “Under remain” leads to transformation. Some of us have been going through the same trial for years because we don’t “under remain” the trials we receive. Let these trials be the avenue of impact to others. “Under remain’ so that you will be perfect, complete, lacking in nothing. Suffering refines and grows us – if we “remain under” the pressure.
4. If you lack wisdom about your trial – verse 5 – ask God for it. He’s not going to answer the existential why, the ultimate why, the ultimatum why, the observation why. He will answer the why this in my now. What are you trying to teach me, God? You have to ask in faith without doubting. God wants to work on my heart. God starts with the blind spots. Make sure you really want to know. You will be complete – lacking nothing.
I can’t honestly say I’ve experienced “heavy” trials in my life; God has been overwhelmingly good to me. But, in the few “little” ones I’ve dealt with in life – my peace remains by holding firm to the Word of God. That is my voice of hope – because it is the voice of my God who loves me. That is my prayer for you: whether your marriage is hard, your children aren’t believers, finances are small and inadequate, your health is under fire – TRUST. Believe. Walk bold in the truths of God’s Word. Obey. Love Him.

True Woman Conference Chattanooga: Voddie Baucham

True Woman Conference Sessions 1: Voddie Baucham
Dr. Baucham is a pastor in Spring, Texas and an author, a husband, and a father. The first time I heard him speak live was at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary to a packed house – he brought it. Tonight he is speaking to a group of women of all ages – about 2400 of us. Different audience, same Truth. Tonight, the truth is coming from Titus 1-2.
“Set our heart’s affection on you – speak to us clearly and powerfully through your Word." - Amen
From True Woman Manifesto: God’s Plan for gender is wider than marriage; all women, whether married or single, are to model femininity in their various relationship, by exhibiting a distinctive modesty , responsiveness, and gentleness of spirit. (Lord – make this so in my life.)
Mature Christian women have a responsibility to leave a legacy of faith, by discipling younger women in the Word and ways of God and modeling for the next generation lives of fruitful femininity.
God gives us a picture in Titus 1 and 2 of what he has provided for our sanctification – the way he shapes our lives as believers. There are three principle tools here:
a. Godly mature men and women in the church.
b. Godly manly elders and pastors
c. Biblically functioning homes

Titus 2 – Godly mature men and women in the church. This is for our discipleship and growth in Christ. Older men are to be. Older women are to likewise be. Godly, mature, character. This isn’t automatic for people who are older – this is character that is formed over time and is the fruit of sanctification. This is the picture of character forged over time. We, as women, have a unique power in our tongue – to build up and to tear down. The older women are exemplified in the way we use our speech. The picture painted here is the result of the years of walking with God and being transformed by the gospel – she opens her mouth and wisdom comes out (Prov 31, Gal 4, Dt 31), speaking God’s truth. This isn’t a picture of a woman who teaches Bible studies (primarily) – but is speaking of a woman who has poured her life into the lives of women through intentional relationships. The younger women need older women to teach them to love their husbands and children. That the Word of God might not be reviled. When older women are not about the task of teaching younger women – we are not rightly living out the gospel. If we are following the ways of a culture that denies biblical manhood and womanhood, then I am marring the picture of Christ and his Church. His honor is being defamed. These things need to be taught. The older women have such a crucial role in the life of the church. And when we blame our disobedience on our circumstances: we are putting our circumstances above the Word of God.

Titus 1: Godly manly elders and pastors. The list in Titus 1 is primarily for pastors and elders, but Titus 1 is for all men – here is why:
There is no list in Titus 2.
Pastors are called in 1 Peter 5.3 to be examples to the flock. If he has a list of qualifications that aren’t applicable to the rest of the flock – then how can he be an example.
There isn’t anything in this list that we would give up for our sons – that we would not want our sons to be. Above reproach. Godly kids. Not arrogant. But hospitable. Hold firm to
the Truth (not a heretic). (Just to name a few.)
Titus 1: Biblically functioning homes. Titus 1.10 – “for” – there are many who are upsetting whole families.”
The primary discipling unit is the home. Eph 6.1-4. Children, parents, fathers – Dt 6, Ps 78, Proverbs – the home is the place of instruction for our children. Child is born. Child is born into a home with a mother and father who know and love God. They understand biblical womanhood and manhood, understand marriage as a picture of the gospel, and they give sound doctrine throughout the life of that child, they take that child to a healthy church where he hears thundering gospel from the pulpit. The pastor echoes what this child has heard in his home, the gray-haired folks in the church echo what this child has learned in his home. That is the picture.
On a personal note: I do not live in the ideal. I am not ideal: I sin. I fall short of the glory of God. I do have great older women, pastors, and families who model Titus 1 and 2 for me. I pray that as I grow older, the Lord continues to put younger women in my life that I can pour into – that I can speak grace and truth to. Lord – make my speech a display of your glorious Gospel.
When we don’t have all the pieces of this puzzle – be grateful before you get mad at the Lord. Be grateful for the grace in your life of what you do have. Repent of the sin that is in our lives that keep us from having the ideal. We live in a fallen world – always affected by either our sin or someone else’s sin. Repent of the anger, the bitterness, the lies, the unforgiveness. Be God’s, live and walk in the Truth of the Word and the light of the Gospel.

Valentines Day Approaching

The more I live the more I see that this world is not about Christ. Ok - yes, I should know that, and I do. But, the closer I am with God - the more I am in His Word, serving Him, being shaped by Him, the more I am appalled by sin.
Being home the past two days has allowed for good times of reading and little TV watching - that was grand!
With Valentine's Day on Sunday, I thought I would shoot this out there. How do you prepare for Valentine's Day? Last night I made some Vday goodies to share tonight and tomorrow. I am babysitting for a couple on Saturday night so they can have a date. I am making brownies shaped in hearts for a potluck on Sunday. I really don't think much about the fact that I am single on Vday, because I've only ever dated one person on Vday, and it didn't rock my world...so...
I came across this on a blog I read (about fitness mostly, or well-being), and I wanted to counter her 5 points with Scripture. This is how you have to start looking at the world - a biblical worldview!
Noshtopia wrote this: How to have a good Valentine's Day:
1. Be completely selfish. Phil 2.3: Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
This first one is so anti-biblical. I am reading Elyse Fitzpatrick's Counsel from the Cross. The third chapter is all about LOVE. It doesn't say anything about being selfish. I would counter Stephanie's first point by saying on Vday - find something to do for others. I love babysitting for people around Vday (and I usually say I'll do it for free) because I want to be encouraging their marriage.
2. Give Your Inner Voice a Day Off. Counter this with: Preach the Gospel To yourself every day. I actually agree with her point. She knows, as we all do, that if we are single we are usually hating life on Vday because our culture, especially our church culture, makes it miserable for you to be single. I think culture looks upon singleness as a good thing (for mostly wrong reasons). I have found it mostly difficult to be single in the church because most people are pressing you to get married, or women's events are geared toward mothers or wives; not just women.
3. Get Glammed Up and Go Party. Counter this with: 1 Peter 3.3-4: Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. Do I think it is a bad thing to get dressed up and go out to eat, art show, somewhere fun - NO. I love doing it. But so much of our culture presses this issue, especially for single women. This Sunday night, I'm going out to eat with new friends who are coming to look at the seminary. Will I look pretty - as much as I can. But, I can't find my worth in this - or try to use it as a flirtatious model for attracting men.
4. Make Love with Yourself. Counter: Hebrews 13.4: Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. This one appalled me more than any of the others. Where do I begin? Sexual activity is just for the marriage of a man and a woman for life. No where else. I was watching a repeat of "American Life" on ABC Family. The mother of one of the teenagers told the father (in front of the son) - "He's just wanting to figure out if he wants oral sex from one or sex from the other?" For real, on ABC Family? What kind of family show is that? Well, don't need to watch that anymore. Do I really need TV?
5. Write Down 5 Things You DO Have. Counter: And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. The Word tells us to be grateful for all the blessings we do have. God has been so gracious to us. And on this Valentine's Day I am grateful for: new friends, new ministry opportunities, my family, friends who have loved me for a long time, the Word, provision.

So...how do you look at Valentine's Day? What are your plans for the wknd?

I Fear

I love weekend trips that turn into so much more than you ever thought they would be. I was anticipating just a fun, cold weekend in Chicago, a little bit of work, good food, and fun times with Janel. God had other things in mind.
On the drive up (a 5 hour jaunt up 65/94) I could sense the Spirit was doing a work in my life. God has been doing some heart surgery lately in my life - and I anticipate it continuing for the next few months.
I had no traffic until I got about 20 exits away from where I needed to be and STOP. Don't know what happened but does one ever know what happens to cause traffic jams in the early afternoon of a Saturday? So...I was a little late. Even then God was busy working.
So, I text some friends just to be praying as God was doing his work, and He continued right through the weekend. Janel had the Esther DVD from Beth Moore - I watched a bit of it. Through watching that, reading the end of Deuteronomy and the beginning of Joshua, and talking with a friend who I can be completely real with...two truths about my life came out.
I Fear.
I Fear A LOT!

Beth Moore pretty much said this. If ________, then ___________. Let me fill it in. If I eat too much, then I will gain weight. If I gain weight, then I won't be cool anymore. If I am not cool anymore, than I will be lonely. You get my drift. She said basically your logic had to be
"If __________, then GOD. It always had to be God in that second blank. If not, then something is amiss.
And that tied into something I heard recently - whatever you fear - that is your god. So, let me do some sentences for you....
I fear getting the dream job, because I fear failing at it (or not being OUTSTANDING at it.
(god = success)
I fear gaining weight, because I won't be a role model to other girls and I won't be attractive or be successful in ministry. (god = self image, pride)
I fear rejection by friends, because then that will mean something is wrong with me because they don't like to be around me anymore. (god = friendships)
I fear never getting married, because someone won't love me enough, and like me enough, to commit the rest of his life to me. (god = marriage, relationships).
I fear failure, because I have to be good at what I do (god = success).
I fear people getting to know me, because what if they just like me at a distance, then once they get to know me, they don't like me anymore (god = people, popularity).

Beth said something else. Sometimes we fear not getting married because we don't want to be alone. But, then we fear marriage because what if we get it and its not as great as we always dreamed or we screw it up somehow? I fear not getting that dream job, then I fear getting it because what if I am not good at it and people don't like what I do?

Do you hear these statements? Do you see what brought me to tears this weekend?
I trust in other things besides the God of the Universe!
Here are some verses (it is so often used in Scripture):
Numbers 14 - "The Lord is with you, do not fear."
Dt. 31 - "The Lord will be with you and won't forsake you, do not fear."
Ps 118 -"The Lord is on my side, therefore I will not fear."
Jere 42 - "Do not fear them, declares the Lord, for I am with you."
Joel 2 - "Fear not, but rejoice and be glad, for the Lord has done great things."
Matt 10 - "Do not fear those who can kill the body, but cannot kill the soul."
Heb 13: "The Lord is my helper, I will not fear, for what can man do to me?"

Basically, in my reading....If I trust and obey, if I obey the greatest commandment, then I will not fear. If I am fearing, then I am not obeying. I need to obey.

What do you fear?

Thoughts on Finishing Well

Last night, in my reading of the b90x plan, I was in the latter part of Numbers. Now, Numbers isn't a thrilling book as a whole, but there are definitely nuggets of truth and thought provoking circumstances that God wants us to know to change us - sanctify us - make us more like Him. Here are some of the players:
Nadab and Abihu - dead because of unpleasing worship to the LORD
Moses - leader of the people, but now who can't enter Canaan because he didn't listen and fully obey the Lord.
Joshua - the chosen person to lead the people of the Lord into Canaan because the Spirit was in him.
Israelites - punished and wandering for 40 years, current generation not able to go into Promised Land because of sin, angered the Lord because of their idolatry and ungratefulness.

While watching some NCAA hoops last night, I thought of some sports figures who are in the media right now:
Lane Kiffin - after only one disappointing season in the best college football conference, he is now going back to the west coast. 1 season.
Tiger Woods - definitely known for being probably the best modern golfer in the world (note, I said modern). Now, is plastered on every magazine in the checkout aisle because of his unfaithfulness to his wife.
Mark McGwire- fabulous heavy hitter in the Major Leagues for so many years. Kids worshipped him, wanted to be like him in every way. Now, admitting that he cheated and pumped his body full of steroids so he could live up to all the hype.

Some illustrations from people in my own life, of how they live:
2 pastors - known to everyone they meet for their humility - not for books they have written or the church they pastor.
My mentor - known to me as a woman of the Word and prayer.
A former co-worker and (still) friend: one word to describe him: humble.
2 other pastors - I would describe as faithful.

After contemplating this during a run and then journaling about it while watching the Gator game last night, here were my two questions I posed to myself:
1. What do I want to be remembered for?
2. What would they write about me if I was to be included in the SBTS Coffee Table Book?

A friend of mine in Louisville comments that the only things I do are exercise, food, tv, and church. There probably is some reality to that - but that is only a portion of the story. And - do I really want to be known for those 4 things? Goodness - no.
But, then the Spirit stopped me in my writing - my brain continued to function - and said to me this:
Who cares if the world remembers Kim Davidson - you are not important - I am. So, after more reading and journaling:
CS Lewis: Humility isn't thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less." I am definitely then one of the most prideful people I know.
Apostle John: "He must increase, I must decrease." (John 3.3)

I heard a wise man talk on Sunday about finishing well. It must be done. What will your life be marked by?
"Spirit - craft in me less of KD, more of Jesus. Out of the heart - so I do. Work in me Jesus so Jesus can be shown and known in everything I do." - Amen

Sick to My Stomach

Sin. Gotta love it. (Hint sarcasm)
This is where the 3 blogs come together.
I went down to Glendale, KY this past Sunday to hang out with some friends and then listen to my boss speak for an activity at their church.
I had a great breakfast (yogurt, flax seed, pb toast) and then a Clif Nectar bar before church started (I ate early as it was an hour drive). I just didn't want to be starving by lunch. So, we went to a great Mexican place there that I had been to before - so yummy. Ordered a greasy chicken quesadilla with rice/beans and then devoured the chips and salsa (and queso). That was at 1pm.
Sat in a big chair all afternoon, reading, hanging with kiddos, and talking.
4:45pm - Texas Roadhouse - eating with pastors/friends/families before the event. I should have ordered nothing - but I wasn't going to do that. I ordered a single chop (grilled porkchop, so good and moist), salad, and fresh veggies. 1 1/2 of their wonderful yeast rolls. By the time I got about 2 bites into the chop, I just knew I couldn't put anymore in my mouth - no, I did. I ate all but 2 bites of the chop and 3-4 carrots. I looked at the folks around me and just knew I was going to be sick (you know that clammy feeling when you just want to throw up). We got up to leave and I just walked real slow.
By the time we made it to church I was feeling better (I think it was standing up). But, I knew that I had failed again.
I had done no exercise (I chose to sleep in rather than get up and do some yoga). I ate way too much when I wasn't hungry. I ate out of: free food, good food, gratitude for the free food, didn't want to stick out and not eat anything, don't always have chips and salsa, hate leaving food on my plate.
Why do I let my body determine my actions instead of listening to the Spirit and obeying?
Two verses:
1 Cor 6.19-20 "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." I know Paul is mostly talking about sexual immorality, but same applies to eating.
Col 3.17 "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." I was so sick I couldn't give thanks to God for what He had just provided for me. Nope, all I could do was recognize my sin.

Raisin Cakes

At first glance of the title, some of you are probably thinking I have the wrong blog. Raisin cakes - isn't that something you eat (like those little debbie oatmeal raisin cream pies - my fave)? Well, not these raisin cakes (for me).
Raisin cakes were cakes given to the gods of the lands in the Old Testament. In Hosea, the Lord tells Hosea to love Gomer - even though she'll turn away and be like those who love other gods and raisin cakes.
So, it got me thinking: what is my raisin cake? What am I willing to love more than God? Ok - maybe not literally, but practically speaking...What do I love more than God, the Lover of my soul and the Healer of my faithlessness?
This goes hand in hand with the verse from yesterday. Love those moments in the shower when the Spirit speaks something so clear - almost like He was talking audibly to me. This was one of those moments.
Colossians 3.4 - "When Christ, who is your life appears, then you will also appear with him in glory."
Basically - the first part - when Christ, who is YOUR LIFE. Christ - my life? Does my life resemble that?
What would people say I'm about? Florida football (when or lose), cooking, baking, exercising, weight loss, Mentalist and Simon Baker, North Carolina, beaches? I mean - isn't that what most people think I am about?
Make note that CHRIST is my LIFE. There is more to life than football games, cooking, burning cookies (or sweet potatoes like I did today), or traveling, or March Madness.
Christ is more important than sappy seminary relationships - or the lack thereof. (I'm currently listening to one dude who can't shutup about his girlfriends cooking and is sounding just ridiculous. Man, does he know how pathetic he sounds. "God could send a million punchbuggies during this meal and I wouldn't punch you one time, this meal is so good." (bleh) The girl is like just eat already. How many times can you say "its awesome" - 20? Ok, minor detour. Did he just say "your stomach is precious" - really? Some of you will know what I'm talking about, some of you be glad you don't).
All this blog is to say is maybe take some time to reevaluate your life - what is your life? Would people see Christ as the most important thing in your life and would how you think, what you say, what you do during your day, spend your money - reflect an accurate answer? A couple of good books to read for this topic would be: Redeeming Love and Counterfeit Gods.
Thankful to the Word and the Spirit

Paul Tripp at Sojourn

I got to attend the last session of the Paul Tripp Counseling conference this week at my church (thanks Sojourn for free entry). It was on his new book Broken Down House which I have yet to get just because I'm trying to not spend as much money (but it is on my Amazon Wish List in case anyone out there in Blogland cares to get it for me?...).
This message (I only stayed for first half) was great - I was busily taking notes. Here we go. You may be able to go to the www.sojournchurch.com site and hear the msgs once they are up.
Basic Premise of Broken Down House. We live in a fallen world. Things aren't going to go exactly as planned. There is sin. God is bigger. We should rejoice because we know a HOPE greater than the fallenness of this world.
We should (as Christians who love Jesus and His Word) should resist the following:
1. Being Satisfied. We need to be honest and realistic about the world and how it is. We need to learn to weep for the world. We must fight (hear the John Piper language) to be dissatisfied. We need to be glad we aren't devasted in our weeping - we have HOPE! We are at once the saddest and most celebrant community in the whole world. We are both because we have to be dissatisfied with this world and dissatisfied that we aren't in THAT world yet.
2. Spirituality. God's people got so satisfied with distant, impersonal spirituality that they were ok with offering sacrifices to Baal on the way to the Temple. We often mistake commitment to Christianity for commitment to Christ. Unless our commitments to Christianity (church going, witnessing, talking right, not sinning, reading the Bible, etc) results in obedience to Christ in our hearts - then its just stuff. Best thing out of a list was we substitute a system of theology and rules for maturity. I see that around me (and in me at times).
3. Passivity. God calls us to redemptive activity - but we offer excuses. I am too small (like Moses and Gideon). I am too busy (like me). The problem is too big (like Aids in Africa). It is not my problem (like many things in the city you live in).

One of the most convicting thoughts of the night: We can sing one minute songs of praise and worship and then the very next minute be yelling at our kids in the car (or gossiping, or fussing at traffic, etc). Which is more determinate of your heart? (See verse in Bible that asks can blessing and cursing come from the same mouth?).

Paul Tripp is definitely one of my fave authors, in the top 5. He has an amazing grasp of hurt, truth, reality, counseling, wisdom of the Word, etc. If you are really trying to impact your CITY for Christ - read this book!

Come One, Come All - Mercy Me

Finally got on the spin bike last night shortly before the gym closed after a long day. My iPod was about dead, but I was praying it would make it through at leat 20 minutes. It did (and now it is in the cradle charging). This is one of the songs I heard. Loved it. Love it all the time. It is one of my fave Mercy Me songs. Thankful that God used the lyrics of this song to soften a very prideful heart.

Come you who are weary
Come you who are strong
Take in His wondrous glory
And dance the freedom song
Everything revolves here
Around His holy name
And after you have been here
You'll never be the same
[CHORUS]

Come one, come all
To the presence of our God
This is where all hope and peace and joy are found
Come taste and see
We've been summoned by the King
Enter in and place your feet on holy ground
Come you who are searching
Come you who are saved
Embrace the gift of mercy
Embrace the gift of grace
Enter all you nations
Worship at His throne
Glorify the wonder
Of Christ and Christ alone

I know it is only pride that keeps me from being in His presence daily. I need the King and One True God in my life at every moment.

Impressions of God's Mercy and Grace

The last 24 hours (and a few moments of the Connecting Church and Home Conference) have been some hard times for me - good, but hard. Here - let me try and explain.
At the beginning of 2009 I asked God for a very specific prayer request. Some of you reading this know what that is - and no, He hasn't answered it. However, He has thrown some stuff in my face to show me areas in my life that aren't quite up to His standards. Here is the last 24 hours (and some of Friday and Saturday)...
1. Steve Wright (friend and student pastor at Providence in Raleigh) said this to close out his main session talk on Saturday morning:
See the gospel as the greatest thing. That God gets bigger, when the work of the Spirit gets mightier, when grace is more, when sin is uglier, when gospel roots go down deeper, when eternity gets louder. Keep this in mind: never let the gospel get smaller in your hearts.
This does not resonate with me right now. I make the gospel so light - only lip service right now it seems.
2. I was in the presence of some humility this weekend at the conference. And when you see it - then know it is absent in your life - you see how much God has to work in your life. I also was around some very prideful people this wknd. And I didn't like it. And that is unfortunately what people see in my life and they don't like it either.
3. Before all this - I've been in sin conversations (what are mine, where do I sin constantly and how is God working His grace into that sin to make it change for His glory) with some community. What a blessing they have been - even though I leave those sessions very beat up - I so need it. Am thankful for them.
4. A friend that I have known since middle school spoke truth and the harsh wonderful reality of TOTAL DEPRAVITY and how I say I believe that - but what is coming out of my mouth is all about me. I think that I am better for the world in Christ. Maybe not deep down in my soul - but maybe so. At least what comes out of my mouth and in my actions.
5. I was around a woman this weekend that exudes kindness and graciousness. I don't. Do I want to - yes. I don't know how. I honestly don't. I'm at a loss.
6. The song All Because of Jesus by Steve Fee - Cornerstone of Knoxville put some more verses to it. One line said he is my all in all. Yes, I know, very trite. But, that is where the tears started for me. I don't technically live that out. God is not enough for me. I seem to be enough for me right now.
7. Chris Tomlin's Amazing Grace. We sing that often at Crossing. But, at Cornerstone - with 1000 people singing it like they mean it - man...good stuff. But, the lines...
That saved a wretch like me - see number 4. I know this, but this morning I was stunned with the reality of it.
The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures. I have to know the Word. This is where my security lies - in God - not in who I am, who I know, what I do, what I've done, etc.
And like a flood His mercy rains Unending love, Amazing grace. I just wanted to stand there and let mercy rain down on me. Knowing the closeness of God. The impression of God. The depth of my sin - and believe I don't know it half nearly as good as He knows it.
8. The sermon was on 1 Cor 3 - part of it was - believers need to be humble. Really God - are you trying to get my attention? I hadn't noticed. Oh, the grace and mercy of God - how good He is to me.
9. My friend (as mentioned above) kept saying the word kindness over and over again in our conversation in the wee hours of this morning. Every time she said it - I thought of
Romans 2.4 - do you know that the kindness of God has led you to repentance? Great verse, I love it, know it - but I don't live it.
10. On the way home today I heard the song Empty Me by Jeremy Camp. Great stuff. Again, God - are you trying to say something:
Holy Fire burn away,
my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me,
I want more of you and less of me,
Empty me,Empty me,
Fill, won't you fill me, with you,
11. God - I can NOT do this on my own. You have to continue to cut away. You have to put people in my life who will speak harshly into it. I need it. Thank you for the community of believers.

That is just some of what God has broken and He will mend. God is a good and gracious out-pouring God. I was very thankful for friends this weekend, a chance to get out of Louisville, and Cornerstone of Knoxville. A church - that I believe - understands what it is like to live out the gospel, call sin sin, hold their members accountable, and proclaim the gospel in exuberant worship and expository preaching.

Advent 2008.9: Guilt, Sin, and Creation

This time of the year (from Thanksgiving till my birthday) is the hardest time for me to try to be healthy and lose weight. It is cold, gets darker quicker,, busy, everything revolves around food, etc. I already have had a defeatist attitude today about it. But, many friends have reminded me to be wise with my eating, try to get in exercise, don't be gluttonous, and January 9th will be here before I know it. The parties and dinners and eating out seem never ending - but they are right.
As I read the advent reading in Piper - He talks about Jesus conquering Satan for HIS glory. He reminds us that we are not held in bondage to sin or guilt - but our freedom has been paid for! Hebrews 2.14-15: "Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery." I love the hope and empathy that are found in these verses.
"The death of Jesus nullified the damning effect of sin for all who trust in Christ. The weapon of soul-destroying sin and guild is taken out of Satan's hand." (83). I find more hope in this as well. What I also must remember is just because Jesus has done this doesn't mean I can berate myself, be down on myself, be a glutton, be lazy - or anything. First of all, because I am created in His image and He loves me (that's what the other advent reading today was talking about). Also, Rom 6.1-4 (amazing powerful verses) say: "What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it? Do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.

Advent 2008.7: Humility, Poverty, and Family

My Dad is a genealogist. Most of you reading this will know that it has something to do with family and the history of families. I tried doing what he does in 2007, but it just wasn't for me. Not that I don't think its interesting, it just wasn't for me.
But, it has been neat learning all growing up where I came from, who my family is, the lineage that we are as Davidsons and Hatchers. But, how do I mirror or look like my eternal heritage? do I put on Jesus every day to mirror him to the nations - just as He put on flesh in the incarnation to show us Jesus.
I was very convicted about my lack of Jesus last night. I was sitting in a church service - one of the missions of this church is to reach its community around the church building. Germantown is not an affluent part of Louisville to say the least. Where I was sitting there were a couple of people walking by more than once who definitely were not of the churched variety. They were unkept and smelled of smoke.
Now, I should have been ecstatic because they were coming, the church was fulfilling its mission, they were hearing of the gospel of Jesus. But, I wasn't. I was too prideful. I was irritated because they were getting up and down, I was holding my nose as they walked by because I don't like cigarette smoke, etc. You get the picture of my pride. It is not pretty. Jesus humbled Himself and became poor - born in a stable, not looking like the King He was, not looking like the priests he had opportunity to talk to.
I want to look more like Jesus - my eternal co-heir under God our Father. "Truth itself was the stumbling block. And so the only escape for the enemies of truth was caricature and half-truth. Jesus is a glutton and drunkard. That is why he eats with tax collectors and sinners. But beneath the ugliness of calumny is the glory of compassion. Why did he eat with tax collectors and sinners? He gave the answer - 'those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick." (65)

Heaviness and Tears

I am definitely not a person who cries a lot over much of anything - unless its a sappy movie or Apollo 13 (the 4 minute wait or reentry) or Anne of Green Gables when Gilbert Blythe is dying...oh, movies.
But, tonight, something is really just heavy on my heart. For the most part I can't even really put my finger on it.
It has been a long day but that has really nothing to do with it.
During our prayer time tonight, hearing prayers of humility and lowness of heart, of heartfelt worship, or prayers for healing, marriages to be restored. When I was driving home, texting, then glancing up and seeing the beautiful moon - knowing and being gripped by the holiness and faithfulness of God.
More than any of us - God is the picture and standard, the plumb line, of faithfulness. This world knows so very little of faithfulness. It is something I long for in relationships. It is something I long to be in who I am. That is something I want people to say of me. Faithfulness - it is so hard to see a picture of outside of Christ. We are sinners - we all fall short. But, faithfulness. Even in little things - like the moon - or the sunrise that will be here tomorrow morning. Jesus gave us a picture of that when He came to earth and He was faithful in everything He did. God is so good. Jesus is so good.
He heals, He is Everlasting Father (that shows faithfulness). Our world is so marred by sin - so scarred by the unfaithfulness of ourselves and others. Why is this so heavy? Why are broken marriages so weighty to me right now. Even in the church we are not immune to Satan. The Spirit is so strong. God is so amazing. But, we are still sinners.
What can be done about it? I'm so at a loss for what can be done to strengthen marriages. It is a deep sigh coming out of me that is never ending. Yes, I do see some wonderful marriages. But, its almost more often than not that I see ones hurting. This is such a picture of Christ and the church - and the world sees such a skewed picture - almost a out of order paint by number - of marriage.
Each time I hear of one more marriage failing, or hurting - I wonder why in the world I would ever want to get married. What makes me think I am any better than anyone else who struggles in their marriages or in their relationships. This has been such a weight on me today.
The other weight is the issue of pride. How I shut down when I'm not in control of something. Or when I get called out on something. Its like "multiple personality" or something - and I really am completely kidding on that. But, seriously. I don't take criticism well - even though with all I've been getting I need to get better at it. If I'm not the strongest personality or if I am outnumbered in anyway, I tend to shut down, be quiet, let others talk. Its almost an all or nothing thing. Or if I am unsure of something or fearful of criticism - then I tend to shy away from stuff.
Ok - so this is really just a rambling blog. I am thankful that I am going to bed tonight - knowing that God is still on His throne - He is still faithful - He is the mighty healer. He will continue to break me of sin. He will continue to draw men unto Himself. God - thank you.
Anyway - if you read this...thanks, hope something was in it for you. But, more than anything, it was a way for me to talk to myself and let my fingers catch up to my brain.

State of the Economy

If you watched any of the 2nd Presidential Debate last night you know it was on the failing (and ailing) economy. Did either candidate change the other's view? Did many undecided voters make up their minds? Both are a resounding no. Each one said wrong things about the other one and even when a candidate says he's not going to raise taxes - chances are something will happen in his tenure as President and he will have to raise taxes. Taxes is not something I vote on because of this. So far, living in 3 states under 2 Presidents - I've seen taxes go up in each state - so no one can tell me any differently.
But, the economy I think is the worst that I've seen it since I've really known to look at it. Am I glad I don't have enough money to put in the stock market - yes. Am I glad I already have my college paid for - and yes, have the debt from that - yes. (I could do without the debt though). Am I glad I have a secure job - yes. I don't know what it would have been like to live on Black Friday and know the panic and dread and fear in people's hearts. I don't know what it would be like to live in Iceland right now who just declared the whole country bankrupt. I can't imaging being a business woman in Russia with no stock market open or trading till Friday.
But, one thing I do know. My God is in charge of all the world's monies and even Wall Street and the king's decisions (Ps 2). He knows what is going to happen and has complete authority over it all (Eph 1.19-23). And you know, that helps me sleep better at night, that helps me still go to the grocery store (even though I make a list and stick to it now), helps me not fear the gas prices (even though they have gone down here in KY), and I only had a slight panic this morning on my way to work wondering what would happen if I couldn't get my money out of the bank (but then remembered the above verses and knew that life would go on because my God is overall completely gracious and merciful).
I got in to work this morning and read this from John Piper:
I can smell it. It's like toast or steak or brownies. It doesn't just draw our desire, it creates desire. Deep drops in the stock market make many people salivate. They know it will rebound. They are sitting on cash. By year's end their pile could ride the recovery to riches. For such people I have a word from God. The word is: Don't desire to be rich. It will kill you. And in a world like ours many will probably perish with you. Paul's language is more graphic than mine:
There is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs. (1Timothy 6:6-10)

Worldliness - Sov Grace Guys (ed by Mahaney)

In the style of all other Mahaney books - this one is relatively short (a small in shape book) but packs a powerful punch. And ends like everything else does in Sovereign Grace life - with a proclamation of the gospel.
Five Sov Grace guys write in this - on different ways we are not to "love the world, or anything in the world" - from John's small letter toward the end of the Bible.
Mahaney starts with the intro of 1 John 2.15. "Whatever the reasons, this verse makes you uncomfortable. It invades your personal space. You're afraid if you get too close, these ten little words might come between you and the things in this world you enjoy. You're reluctant to discuss worldliness because then you might have to change." (18)
"What dominates your mind and stirs your heart?" (27) This is a good tell-tale sign of what you love.
This is what CJ comes back to in the last chapter (written by Purswell). "Worldliness does not consist in outward behavior, though our actions can certainly be an evidence of worldliness within. But the real location of worldliness is internal. It resides in our hearts." (29) I think the time I learned about this the most in my life was the 3.5 years I lived in RDU after graduating seminary. Right after seminary I had gotten completely out of consumer debt - it felt freeing and great! Then, I wanted to have more stuff, had some low-paying part time jobs, and still wanted more stuff. I got so far into debt I considered bankruptcy. God was telling me I had a materialism problem. But, even though graciously and mercifully I am out of consumer debt now, I know I still have a problem with it. That is why I do not own a credit card, I try to live on a budget, I periodically send my financial thoughts and standings to people who care about me - especially in this area - and I try not to go to places where I will struggle and have the temptation to want or buy. I rarely go clothes/stuff shopping - and even going over to peoples' homes prove dangerous because I live in a 800 square foot apt with all mostly used furniture. God is good and gracious to me in so many ways - I need nothing. I pray He continues to drive out materialism in my life.
"For sin carries with it the seeds of dissatisfaction and destruction." (33)
Craig Cabaniss writes next on our hearts and media in terms of worldliness. "The hazard is thoughtless watching. Glorifying God is an intentional pursuit." ( 40). I have also learned this lately. I could watch tv all day - there are so many channels. Now, unless I have something specific in mind to watch - I don't turn it on. It is too dangerous to me to just pick random things and watch nothing. Filling my mind with mindless things.
"Covetousness is a desire for something or someone that God has not provided." (51) This is another area it is hard for me. I look (especially at facebook) and see girls "in a relationship" and wonder why I'm not. Or listening to country music brings at these longings and desires. But, also being in church or seminary surrounded by godly men who are married brings out these desires. Having the desire to get married is not wrong - it is hopefully God given and will be God-fulfilled one of these days - but if I put too much emphasis on it - then it becomes the end - the marriage isn't the end - the Gospel is.
"If we're forbidden to speak with filthiness and crude sexual humor, we're equally prohibited from listening to it when we have a choice." (55) It is a heart matter - whether it comes out of our mouth or into our ears.
Bob Kauflin - worship leaders extraordinaire for SG - wrote worldliness and music (go figure). "Listening to music without discernment and godly intent reveals a heart willing to flirt with the world." (71) Note Bob doesn't say you can't listen to anything but Christian music. No, he says to discern why you listen to it and what desires it brings out in you.
Dave Harvey, who also wrote When Sinners Say I Do, talked about our hearts and stuff. "Gratitude subverts greed. It's an expulsive antidote to covetousness in the heart. Gratitude is not a feeling, and it isn't based on present circumstances. It is recognition of our dependence on God and others - an act of humility that battles pride in our possessions. Grateful speech takes the attention off ourselves and places it on another, whether that's the God of our salvation or the spouse who washes our clothes. Gratefulness is recognition that God is always good and always right in his dealings with us." (110)
CJ write on clothes - mostly of course for women, but he also hits on a few pages for Dads of daughter and husbands of wives. Our dress should reflect the gospel as well. A compliment that a former b-friend paid me one time was "I never have to worry about the way you dress." That was the highest compliment he ever paid me. Do I struggle sure - especially when my weight is where I want it - but God is good and gracious and wants me to reflect that to a lost and dying world. My dress should be different than the worlds. Our churches should be different in its dress than what we see on Saturday night out at the mall. Why isn't it?
Jeff Purswell, Dean of the Pastor's College, finished with our exhortation to love the world. Odd huh? We are to enjoy what God has given us for the reasons He has given it to us - to glorify Him and exalt His name throughout the world.
If you want a good kick in the pants (how's that for southern slang) - then pick this up and read it with a highlighter!

The Great Work of the Gospel - John Ensor

My first trip to Wheaton earlier this year produced this book being added to my library. I had just been introduced to John Ensor in 2007 with Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart. So, scoping out the clearance shelf - I saw this book. It was great. It has been a read that I have picked up, put down, etc. The subtitle for this book is "how we experience God's grace".
"Grace...it produces a radical joy and a strong faith, one that can endure great suffering and yet trust that, in the end, God's plan will lead to our joy and his glory." (13)
"It is that we feel alienated from God's goodness and love because of what we have done. It is not that we do not want his blessing. We would gladly receive it. It is that down deep, we fear that God is justified in withholding it. On this we should trust our feelings. For the painful truth is, we feel alienated from God because we are alienated from God." (34) Our sin separates us from God!
So many times in psychology and counseling circles - you will hear "you need to forgive yourself." This is how Ensor rightly handles this idea: "If we admit that God forgives us but we do not forgive ourselves, are we not insulting his judgment and exalting our own, as if we have a higher standard of justice then he does?" (114)
"The grace that brings salvation goes on to train us to live a godly life. A sanctified life is not optional to salvation; it is standard equipment. Other things may be called grace, but they are not saving grace." (125)
"Another place I see the goodness of God is in his sovereignty. The more I see it, the more I delight in it. The more I see it, the more I can trust him when the circumstances call his goodness into question." (147)
This book is saturated with God's character, the Word, our condition and condemnation - oh, but the Work of the Cross. Let's celebrate it!

Whiter Than Snow: Paul David Tripp

This was my first Tripp book (I wanted to get it after reading parts of it on his blog during the writing process). I am reading several books on sin to get ready for an upcoming conference I'm doing in Apex, NC, in November with Erin and Kasey. Can't wait.
So - I got this book earlier in the week and finished it tonight. Tripp uses Ps 51 to shape this book on mercy and grace and sin and confession. Amazing, 2-5 little chapters, meditations as he calls them. He incorporates each verse of the Psalm, poetry, hymns (both old and new), to develop this thought and heart attitude within us that we are not good - we need Jesus.
"It is a willing heart that causes us to seek the grace that has been promised. When we turn from our own way and recognize our inabilities to live HIS way, we begin to seek the full range of resources that He has promised us in His Son. Grace is for the willing and we only become willing when we confess not only the gravity of our sin, but our inability to deliver ourselves from it." (24)
"God's grace is our only hope. Each one of us needs grace that's not only big enough to forgive our sin, but also powerful enough to free us from the self-atoning prison of our own righteousness. We're not only held captive by our sin, but also by the delusion of our righteousness. Resting in God's grace isn't just about confessing your sin, its about forsaking your righteousness as well." (29)
"Its only in the mirror of God's Word and with the sight-giving help of the Holy Spirit that we are able to see ourselves as we actually are. God, who loves us enough to sacrifice his Son for our redemption, works so that we should see ourselves clearly, so that we would not buy into the delusion of our own righteousness, and so that with a humble sense of personal need we would seek the resources of grace that can only be found in Him." (33)
"As sinners we all become way too comfortable with our sin. You see, we all have a perverse capacity to be comfortable with what God says is wrong." (34)
This was one of the most convicting paragraphs of the whole book: based on how I am disappointed and discouraged with where I stand in the whole scheme of life and what I think I should have:
"When people are blessed by the Lord they turn to him in humble, sacrificial worship. Its in those moments when I am cogently aware of God's forgiveness and gratefully aware of his undeserved blessing that I willingly offer to him what I would have once held to tightly. God delights in the sacrifices of his people, because when they are worshiping him in this way, they are doing the thing for which they were created. When I've quit looking for satisfaction in the created world and being to find my satisfaction in the Lord, then I am willing to hold loosely to the things that once held me. Its here that my delight is the Lord's delight - Ps 37.4." (56)
Tripp uses three words from Ps 51.1-2 to talk about sin: transgression (willful disobedience), iniquity (moral uncleanness) and sin (falling short of a standard). (86-87). I liked that.
My friend Kasey (who's church the conference is at) is also studying for this and has been concentrating on Prov 4.23. This is what I found in this book on that: "Its when the battle for the heart is lost that the battle of physical resistance to sin will be lost as well. When the heart becomes hard, the system of internal restraint that keeps one pure ceases to function as it was designed to function, and we say yes to that which God has called us to say no." (112)
I really did like this quick read. It was short chapters that could be read anywhere. There were 2 questions at the end of every section for further introspection - and would also be good for a small group. He also didn't quote a lot of other people in it. I like to read books that don't have a lot of long quotes from others (unlike this blog post). I also liked it because it was interesting from cover to cover - not just the first 2/3 of it then it fell short.
I think I'll be reading more of Paul David Tripp.

When People Are Big and God is Small - Welch

When I first picked up this book - many months ago - I had only heard great and wonderful things about it. And to be honest, the first half of the book is just that. Really convicting and helpful. Then the second half just fell short to me. I felt it was a mixture of psychobabble (not necessarily a negative term), a John Piper sermon (definitely not negative), and Gary Chapman books. I loved the concluding chapter - especially the part on Luther and Daniel. Here are some of the quotes that stood out to me:
"The praise of others - that wisp of a breeze that lasts for a moment - can seem more glorious to us than the praise of God. John 5.44." (p 40) Speaking in Gary Chapman terms - wholehearted, true words of affirmation are certainly important to me - one of my love languages. But, it is often hard for me to take a compliment - especially in areas where I feel weak.
"We spend too much time wondering what others may have thought about our outfit or the comment we made in the small group meeting." (p 40). Appearance is always important to girls. But, harshness comes when I am put down for my thoughts in a class or a small group - by someone I really admire or of whom I want approval. Maybe that comes from living in an educational world for so long - more than a fashion world (think The Devil Wears Prada vs Dead Poets Society). I grew up going to a small church in Plant City, FL. Everytime someone would have a new outfit on I would compliment them on it - or at least ask if that was a new outfit. No one ever said it to me, ok, hardly. My Mom would always cry over that with me - or for me. She knows encouragement and edification is one of my strong gifts - and hated it when it was never returned to me.
"I think that the application of Scripture to the details of our lives is great. My observation, however, is that these principles are not always embedded in the fear of the Lord. The result is that our goal can be self-improvement rather than the glory of the Holy God." (p 96) Wow - this is only hidden inward sin that most people hope no one else will ever see.
"The problem is not that we desire love, the problem is how much we desire it or for what purpose we desire it. Do we desire it so much that it overshadows our desire to be imitators of God? Do we desire it for our own pleasure of for God's glory." (p 149) Again, such a convicting statement - whether a person is single or married. Just was talking to a friend yesterday about contentment in different areas of life: single, married, kids, no kids, working, stay at home. We are never content. And as a paraphrase of CS Lewis - we will never be content outside of heaven.
"Self-serving needs are not meant to be satisfied - they are meant to be put to death." (p. 162)
I read Scripture with new eyes now. I read it and underline ways that the "actors" lived in fear of man rather than the fear of God - especially in the gospels. It happens so often - and also so often in our lives.

Hosanna - He Rules Them (Us, Me) By His Word

Reading before church and then going to a great church with great music - all go hand in hand. I'll start with my reading before church. Preparing to go in and meet with the presence of the Living God and to take communion - in honor and remembrance of the true meaning the gospel - good stuff.
The past few days God has been teaching me about my sin of discontentment - and yes - that is a sin. Not that we really like to call it that - but we must start calling a spade a spade - or a sin a sin. Christ died for my sin of discontentment. Oh, my...many areas of discontentment in my life. Being content does not mean that we got complacent. It means we are striving to please God in every thing we do and wherever we are in life - and are satisfied with Who He is for us and in us. It is when we realize that the things we don't have will not make us happy - only Christ will satisfy.
So, I picked out Psalm 61-63 to read, very convicting psalms to read in this area. Here is what I underlined...
61.2 - "Hear my cry...when my heart is faint." As I sat down to read the Word, I really didn't even want to read it. Sin is a heavy burden - and the sin of discontentment has weighed heavy this week.
61.3 - "for you have been my refuge" - my safe place, my place to run and be when I don't feel like doing anything else, when nothing else is safe and right, when emails aren't working, or facebook is down, or there is nothing on tv.
61.8 - "So I will ever sing praises to your name, as I perform my vows day after day." - Some Phyllis always said to me, even when I don't feel like it - read, pray, worship. Obedience and faithfulness even in trials or times of struggle.
62.5-8 - "My hope is from him, He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be shaken, On god rests my salvation and my glory, my mighty rock, my refuge is God, Trust in Him at all times, o people. Pour out your heart before Him. God is a refuge for us." - Oh the truth and goodness of that verse. I have come back to it time and time again. He listens to our hearts - He made our hearts - He knows our very longing - even those ones that continue and never seem to go away - He knows even those.
63.1 - "My soul thirsts for Him, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water." I was telling someone else today about a lack here in the ville - but God, you will never be my lack. Let me thirst for you - that is a cry and a prayer. Help it to be true of me.
63.3-4 - "Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live, in your name I will lift up my hands." - Love that song. Sang it with the college choir at the Summit. But, again - choice and obedience - faithfulness.
63.8 - "My soul clings to you, your right hand upholds me." - When there is nothing else...God is right there. Even in the lonely and hopeless times.
I also read in the Valley of Vision - wow, what a book, composed of Puritan prayers...
"Teach me to believe that if ever I would have any sin subdued, I must not only labour to overcome it, but must invite Christ to abide in the place of it. He must become to me more than vile lust had been, that his sweetness, power, life may be there. Though now I have his graces in part, I shall shortly have them perfectly in that state where thou wilt show thyself fully reconciled and alone sufficient, efficient, loving me completely, with sin abolished. O Lord, hasten the day."
What in the world does it look like (in practical terms) to have Christ live in place of my sin? It is preaching to myself the gospel every day. Oh, God - live in place of my sin. Your death paid that price.
Then, I got to church. We sang "O Great God" by Fernando Ortega and "Hosanna" brought to us by Hillsong. Man - great great songs! :) One of the lines in O Great God says he rules them by His Word. The song is talking about creation and all the things in it - but God also rules me by His Word - and I am thankful He chooses to speak!