Gospel-Powered Parenting - William Farley

This book came across my Google Reader, and I immediately passed it along to my boss, one of my profs I work for, and a youth pastor. This was right up their alley. I was asked to order 10 copies within the week.
I finally was able to sit down and finish this book. An easy read, not too hard, not too long (225). Though not stated, this book, I would have to say, is written to men. If you keep that in mind, this book will pose little problem to you. If you are a woman (mother, wife) you may feel a little slighted. Farley does a great job addressing the need for Fathers to step up and be fathers - but sometimes at the neglect or dismissal of the mothers. (That is just how I felt reading some of his words, others may not feel that way at all).
Anyway, again, since I'm not a parent, I won't make much comment, but hopefully you can learn and maybe even pick this book up to read yourselves, or give to parents you know.
"We are absolutely dependent on God's Spirit to complete the parenting process." (19)
"We (parents) are responsible to reach our children for Christ." (21) This as opposed to what many parents would say: the school or the church is responsible.
"Either we can focus on preparing our children to enter the world and conquer it, or we can concentrate on protecting our children from the world." (23)
"Most Christian parents assume that church attendance or youth group involvement equates to new birth." (28)
"Effective Christian parents aim at their children's hearts rather than their behavior." (43)
"We parent out of our theology. Everyone, Christian and non-Christian, has a theology - an idea of who God is and who we are by contrast. Some are accurate. Some are not." (71). This can go for everything - its called a worldview.
"Marriage-centered, not child-centered moms, usually exert the greatest influence on their children for Christ and his kingdom." (113)
"Those who meditate on the message of the cross strive for holiness. Their efforts only make them more aware of their failings. This causes them to run to the cross for forgiveness more frequently. It causes them to need the cross more desparately. All of this happens because they feel the weight of their sins more biblically. It culminates in the peace of biblical humility." (121)
"We should encourage women to promote biblical masculinity." (135)
"A woman can also encourage masculinity by respecting her husband, especially in front of her children." (140). I see this often on facebook. Now, true, most children are not on fb because of the age limitations, but what is said on fb is often said in person or on the phone talking to a girlfriend, etc. Wives will cut down, or belittle their husbands, or speak of his incompetence, etc. Children pick up on this. This causes them to lose respect for one or both of the parents. It is difficult to regain.
"The gospel should be at the heart of all attempts to discipline children. It motivates our discipline and it becomes the end of effective Christian discipline." (147) - Probably my favorite quote of the book.
"We have not learned to be thankful for our children, despite their problems. We think we deserve better. We are ungrateful. A lack of gratitude always points to pride. We deserve crucifixion. We don't deserve obedient, easy children." (213) - Second favorite quote of the book.
"What wonderful news! God uses the imperfect efforts of gospel-centered parents to do his deep and abiding work in our children. In the meantime, the gospel frees us from the burden of perfection." (219). Ends it with the gospel - which is where he stays most of the time.

Now - how to teach this, promote this, equip parents in this, live this out - without being a parent. That is the task.

Signs of a Biblical Husband/Father

I know it was Mother's Day yesterday, but this post is about husbands/fathers. Not that I am not thankful for godly mothers I am. (Mom, Phyllis, Lindsay W, Kim R, Elizabeth B, Danna S, Clarissa B, Angela S, Merriem F, Kasey F, Moriah T - all have shown me what it means to be a godly wife and mother and I am so thankful for them and their modeling).
But, I have been thinking about this topic for a while now - and saw such a great model for it this morning. I saw a friend of mine lead his family in a decision that had to be made, take steps to provide for his family no matter what God told him to do in order to do that, and to protect them by being obedient to God's moving. I was so excited to see that. Even though it wasn't easy - and it took diligence in praying and in seeking the face of God over matters that concern his family. I was excited to see that there are godly husbands and fathers out there willing to be a model not only for their family - but also for single men who need role models of what godly husbandry looks like. Thank you!
A friend and I were talking a few years ago - saying that men have it more tough then women when they get married. All the weight of providing for a family - both spiritually and financially - is on their shoulders. That would be so burdensome at times. But, there is strength and power in the Name of the Lord as it says so many times in Isaiah and the Psalms as well as other places in Scripture.
The Mothers that I named above - all of them have husbands like this. I know they are grateful - and so I am - that I have godly couples to look at as models of godly families.

Modesty, Femininity, & Feminism

I have few "soapboxes" but this definitely is one of them. I saw the bulk issue during my college years because I was living in St. Augustine doing youth ministry. It caused many problems: trying to get the girls to dress modestly when all they wanted to wear, especially 10 months out of the year, were bathing suits and tank tops.

The problem, I have learned, is not with the clothes you wear, the length of your skirt, and how many fingers-wide your tank top strap is. The problem lies in the heart and the motivation for wearing what we wear. I was given a CJ Mahaney sermon to listen to by Veronica Greear about the "Soul of Modesty" - you can find it here. I started listening to it before I left the church parking lot; and God had convicted me deep in my heart by the time I reached the red light (first couple minutes of the sermon which was mostly Scripture). Modesty is a matter of the heart, not necessarily of the closet.

How this whole blog entry came about today was by an article I read today in the Southern Baptist Texan, a newspaper out of Texas. One of the things Penna Dexter said was "Christian women and girls unwittingly undermine their testimonies by the way they dress." How true! Some of our girls are learning how to dress by watching the teen stars on television - and yes, this even occurs in our churches and youth groups. Modesty is about: a gentle and quiet spirit, not letting the outward appearance take control or define our inward spirit. If we want the world to see what Biblical Femininity is - the first thing they are going to see is how we dress. Now, I'm not saying we have to wear skirts that cover our ankles, long sleeve shirts in the summer time, and never wear a bathing suit. I am saying think before you buy an outfit. Think what this might say to a lost and dying world, or to younger girls that you are trying to mentor. Moms - think what your daughters are seeing every time they watch you get dressed to go somewhere. What are you modeling? I had a friend of mine in college tell me once, "It doesn't matter. I could wear a long sleeve shirt and jeans and guys would still lust after me." That isn't modesty. It is about the heart - and then that is reflected in the wardrobe.

One of the things that impressed me most in the Pastor CJ's sermon mentioned earlier (he preached it to his own people at Covenant Life in Gaithersburg, MD) was his emphasis on the Dad's being the head of the household, the spiritual leader, even in what their daughters and their wives wear (see 1 Tim 3.4). This is not widely seen in families today. Dexter said, "mothers hold the purse strings and have the final say regarding their daughters' clothes." Why is that? Do Dad's really not care how young men are looking at their daughters? Do they not care what their daughters' and wife's clothes say about them as a father and a husband? Dads - please, we want you to be the fathers God created you to be. If you don't have time or desire to go spend the afternoon at the mall: review everything that is brought home (most girls love fashion shows, especially when they are on the runway), go through catalogues or the Internet stores with your daughters before they go, teach them what is and isn't appropriate of young Christian girls, train them up (Prov. 22.6).

Last, what does this say about feminism. Dexter talks about the impact of the sexual revolution: "girls are victims of this corrosion. So is a society that once benefited from the virtue of its women. But we no longer encourage that virtue, and the sexual revolution of the 1960s that claimed to empower women has fueled a full-blown sexualized culture." She went on to talk about the positive changes that are seen in some aspects of culture that this might be changing. It might be changing, but we've got a long way to go.

A couple of things that might make the change more wide spread:

1. Dads - please love your wives and daughters (and God) enough to know and care about what they are wearing - teach them about modesty and how looks matter to guys. Girls don't see the clothes the way guys see clothes. Protect us - we want that.

2. Women - learn to look at yourself in the mirror before you walk out: are bra straps showing, can you see through your skirt or blouse, when you bend down, can you see down your shirt? All these are important questions. And think not only "do I look cute in this outfit" but "how am I going to honor my brothers (in Christ) today by this outfit". Think unselfishly!

3. Churches - be the CJ Mahaneys and teach about this in your youth group, college group, from the pulpit. Don't leave clothes and apparel just to the GAP window dressers and Britney Spears Bratz Dolls. They aren't cutting it. They are teaching our young girls the wrong way to dress. This is what's happening with those: "The doe-eyed, midriff-baring doll was dressed in cheap pink-and-black lingerie and looked as if she should be dancing round a pole.
"It’s one of the BratzBabyz!" the little girl burst out. "She’s called Sugar and I want to be just like her!" This was at a 4-yr old birthday party.

4. And as with anything - be modeling the grace and glory of God in what you wear and how you wear it.

happy mothers day

Well, this is a mother's day post a day early since I'll be in OC all day tomorrow. We have baked all weekend for the luncheon today. Speaking went good. I said all I wanted to say. Heb 11 mostly. Faith, obedience, and knowing and believing God to be who He said He was - even when the going gets tough as mothers.

This is a picture of my granny (mom's mom), and mom, and me. Then we took about 10 shots and got in a good one right at the end. Thanks for being patient mom!

in honor of mom!

This first one is me and Ty. You can tell we are both kind of cheesing it for the camera. Frank always said you can tell when people are cheesing it in pictures. The next is of my cousin Teresa and her daughter Kyla. They have been visiting us for a week and her family just left today to return to TX and CA. Then there is one of what the Hatchers (my Mom's family) does best - smoke mullet. We enjoy it a couple of times a year. This is the first time I've been home in a while to get some. That picture is of Alan and Papa. Then the final one is of my granny. It is hard to note when people are starting to age - but I guess it is a bi-product of the fall, isn't it.

It is my Mommy's b-day this weekend, actually it was yesterday. Her sister and family are in town. We went to Outback last night with some friends - and she got embarrassed by the cute waiter singing her a b-day song (but she got free dessert!). Then we all (the messed up family and friends that we call the Hatchers/Davidsons) got together today for smoke mullet and all the fixins. It was interesting.
I love my Mom - praise God we are getting along better than usual and it has been 2 whole weeks. I need to practice more patience with her, and not just when I get my own way.
Mom - I do love you and am thankful for your 59 years here on earth and the 30 that you have given to me! Here's to as many more as God will give you!

Household Question

I posed a question a couple weeks ago to married women on my email list. I actually got an overwhelming response. Thank you for those who responded. These women range from 22-60s. They have no kids, some kids, old kids, young kids (like Dr. Suess). Some have been married for less than a year, some over 30 years. Some work full time, some don't work at all, some work part time.
The question: is there anything that you must have done in your house before you go to bed at night (or you can't sleep)?
Some said random things, but the most frequent answer I got was the kitchen needed to be clean and house tidied. That meant the dishes in the dishwasher, not in the sink. Hopefully the dishwasher running (so they'd be clean in the morning).
Why? This helped their days to run smoother, the days to be less hectic, they would be available to show hospitality to people on a moments notice (especially when you are in ministry).
One good hint was to have a box or basket in your living room that kept all the clutter - then just go through the box every now and then and clean it out. Another - clean out the dishwasher first thing in the morning so you can fill it during day. And, limit your time cleaning - set a clock if you need to or do it during advertisements. Be intentional about clutter (or the lack thereof)
But, the sealer was: your family takes priority. If your husband is ready to go to bed - don't worry about the kitchen - go to bed with your husband. As one pastor's wife said, "a kitchen can wait, cultivating a Godly sound marriage can't."
Thanks ladies! :)

Ode to Unselfish Mothers

This is really for all the new mothers I know out there (or pregnant ones): Davia, Christina, Angela, MG, Tonya, Tab, and probably others I'm forgetting. I just wanted to share some things that I've seen happen in the last few weeks and months of acts of unselfishness. This is really why God has seen fit not to make me a mother yet, because I'm so selfish...
- all the changes your body goes through when you are pregnant and how hard you have to work at it to get it back
- losing sleep so you can get to the pediatrician early on a Sunday morning during the 2 hours they are open.
- changing your eating habits, like not really wanting to drink coffee when you are pregnant
- throwing crazy b-day parties - like Superheroes
- taking longer to get in and out of the car - especially when it is raining
- cleaning out your kitchen pantry so your only daughter can move back home
- giving up peace and quiet except for that rare moment when all your kids are asleep - than all you want to do it take a nap
- all this while keeping your husband as your top priority (outside of Jesus).

Craziness. I thank you for all the stuff you are all teaching me

Family and Mothering

This has been an interesting week in the thought process of this blog entry. Let me state a disclaimer: this is MOSTLY opinion, so take it as my opinion - one which you can disagree with and not to be condemned by. Hear my heart on this:

This weekend I spent time with a family with 3 kids. I am not ready to have 3 kids - I don't even know about one. Hopefully that will change when/IF I get married...I'm glad I don't want kids now because that would just add to my dissatisfaction in this current life stage...anyway. She is a stay at home mom. Many of the mothers I know are stay at home Moms - and I see such a difference in their kids. I was raised by a stay at home Mom and I think I turned out ok.

Last week I received a magazine from a major medical research corporation. Many of the top execs or speakers were women. I'm glad God has gifted them in area of knowledge and medicine. That is great. But, I wonder out of those women in the magazine - how many had successful marriages and healthy families? I'm not saying all stay at home moms' have this down pat. These women have obviously put so much time and energy into their work outside of the home, that I wonder how much time and energy they have left for their families (if they have any). A friend of mine in ministry wrote this about his wife..."Our home has been very orderly. "My wife" has done a wonderful job of keeping things clean and the girls on a schedule. It makes a big difference as ministry can be stressful, stressful! "

Then I read an article by a fave SE prof of mine, David Nelson, about his family and the "vocatio" of family. His was a slightly different take then mine, but still showing the importance of family. I am realizing the importance of family as I leave NC and return to Lakeland next month to begin working for my Dad. Family was definitely a perk to the move.

I'm definitely not one of those women who say "women can't work outside the home". I don't believe the Bible says that. But, what I do know the Bible says, is that a women (if married) has her chief focus her husband, home, and children (if so blessed with them). I think this applies to both ministry jobs and secular jobs. So often we get so wrapped up in ministry as women that our families fall by the wayside. It isn't just with secular jobs.

That is what I hope to be able to offer to my husband (one day maybe).

Consider Their Ways...

Hebrews 13.7
Remember your leaders, those who spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and imitate their faith.
There is another verse I was looking for for this post, somewhere in Paul's letters - something about imitate me as I follow after Christ - but I couldn't find the reference. Not all of these women are my leaders, but in all of them I want to consideer their way of life and imitate their faith. This list isn't finished - but these are the ones I am thinking of today...
Who do you want to be like? Of course - we want to be like Christ...but who on earth do you want to be like. I want the girls that I disciple to see things in me that makes them want to be more like Christ. Most times I fail miserably - but other times, hopefully by the grace of God, I show them Christ.
As I was thinking about this yesterday, I wanted to give you some women that I want to be like - all for different reasons...
Here they are:

Mom - I want to have her selfLESSness and do-for-others-ness. That is so unlike me and the part of my life and discipline where I struggle the most.

Phyllis - Her knowledge of the Word, living it out, and love for her family. The way she actively pursues the Word, time with God, praying for her family, etc. She has taught me that the most (even above all the good recipes) over the past 12 years.

Laura - http://www.loloschpadora.blogspot.com/ - her creativity, both with her art and the way she is raising her son. She has got to be the most creative person I know - so talented at everything she puts her hands on. If I had one pinky full of the creativity that Laura has - just think of how much I could do...

Kimmie - I have known this woman since I was about 10 - she is only I think 2 years older than me. But, as I was thinking about her yesterday (she is what sparked this whole blog), I know that everytime I think of her I think of Christ. In her pictures, at her wedding, at summer camp all those years ago, with her family, doing ministry at (yuck) FSU, in everything for her - CHRIST. Her eyes, smile, posture, demeanor - everything CHRIST. I'm not exaggerating this at all. It is all by GRACE. She is amazing. I haven't seen her now probably since her wedding which was 10 years ago, but I have kept up with her somewhat through family friends and email. But, just to watch her life from a distance is an encouragement. Thank you Kimmie.

Now, here's my charge to me and to you (whoever is reading this). What am I doing right now to take after these women? Am I memorizing Scripture and praying for others like Phyllis? Am I living for others and serving them like my Mom? Am I doing anything with creativity like Laura? Am I living my whole life for Christ and showing Him to others like Kimmie?

Who do you want to be like? Women - who are you imitating as they imitate Christ? Men - do you have older/younger men in your life that you want to imitate as they follow hard after Christ? What are you doing to get there?

To the apron wearer of the family!

For my wonderful Mother. Ok - so it is a day late, better late than never - right. My Mom didn't do a ton of cooking when I was growing up, but now she does. And her food is fantastic (almost as good as mine - right?) Just kidding. We take turns when we are together - we each swap recipes. When I'm home she is usually my "sue chef" - and yes, I know that is spelled wrong! Anyway, her faith is amazing - it is what I like most about her. Simple faith. She prays for me all that time - even when she is mad at me - which believe me - still happens today.
Thank you Mom - my biggest fan!

Pics of Mom mentioned in other Mom Tribute post

This is Clarissa - read on in the next blog to find out more about her
This is Stace - read on below for more












This is Phyllis - she amazes me! Read below












This is Kasey - more info below

For all the Moms I know

Well, not all of them - but these are of all some importance to me. So this is for you. Some of the pictures had to go in another post (below) and some I didn't have. The pictures I have hopefully will be ok - and I hope you enjoy your day to shine...

First, my Mom - Dianne, Mother when I'm whining, usually just Mom. My biggest fan, the artist of most of the paintings in my house, and a great cook. Thanks Mom! I love you...
Next, is my mentor mother...Phyllis, Mrs. Billy, She really taught me how to cook, be a Godly woman, love on teenagers, love her husband, have a quiet time - a real one, hospitality to its fullest. Thank you - you are amazing. Her kids, Jill and Jeremy, will definitely rise up and call her blessed. Look forward to seeing you in a few weeks. PTL
Another, Mom #2 as some of us girls call her. Mrs. S, teacher extraordinaire, Mom to 2 grown kids with kids of their own. She believed in my musical ability back when I was a jabbermouth with glasses in the seventh grade. Thank you!
Now are some I know... (I'll miss some, please don't take it personally):
Veronica - the First Mom at the Summit Church - she has the cutest girls - She knows her theology, teaches it to her girls, disciplines her girls, loves her husband, bakes, and most people say way out of her husband's league - but she's great!
Clarissa - she's my deacon's wife at church - much more, she's a great roommate in Thailand and a great eating partner at Elmos. She's got great kids too!
Joy - she's an adoptive Mom, but a Mom none the less. She's a busy mom to a 17 mth old and 2 dogs. Her husband is on faculty at SWBTS and his www is here if you want to see more pictures of Rachel. She's a great friend who has always been able to tell me like it is (even though I don't always listen)...(ah, remember the days)


Laura - MOOOOOO. You can check out her blog here and see her cute baby. We met before she even got to Flagler, lived on the same hall in the dorm, I sang in their wedding, now she's a Mom with lots of creative gifts and is using them.









T - my friend who works overseas. She is the second newest Mom of the bunch...she's gorgeous and loves serving Jesus. Her blog is here and you can see baby J.

Kasey - amazing girl who loves Jesus and her husband and new baby. She did our makeup at her wedding - definitely the most godly wedding I've been to (to date of course).

Lindsay - She is the newest Mommy. We met doing a DNOW in Charlotte, now she is married to a good friend of mine. They are from the good state. She is going to raise little Shep just great!

Patty - my worship pastor's wife from ABC - her girls are equally as cute and she came into motherhood in a most unique birthing place a little bit earlier than expected. I look forward to seeing you in June too (and your girls and husband)

Corinne - Even though I never get to see you...I know you have three precious kids - the first being Genesis - know that you are loved. You guys just need to move further south so we can all see you (I think most of us live in the south...see what you are missing)

Stace - You have perhaps taught me the most out of all the young moms. You and Rick love, nurture, teach, and discipline both Jacob and Noel. Your love for the Word and you being so real with me on struggles and joys. Thank you - your friendship amazes me, even if you do live in SC.

Sandra - You taught me a lot while at seminary, in the office, at Open Door - thank you - about prayer and faith even in times of uncertainty. You have raised two great boys who love you dearly!

Merriem - Oh, the Mom wonder of three boys. Danny wouldn't not survive without you. The decisions that have been made over the past year - you are great! Keep being a Mom for Jesus and a light to all who see you!

Moms listed here...you amaze me. Your patience with your kids overwhelm me. Thank you for your love for Jesus and your kids. It is definitely the most important job in the world IF I EVER have kids - I will use much of what you have taught me to hopefully raise them like you have done your kids. Your kids will rise up and call you blessed and you will train up your children in the way they should go - so they go out into all the world proclaiming the name of Jesus and His glory! Thank you.