Redeeming the Time (Guest Post)

I don't know of any woman (single, married, young, not as young, with kids, no kids) who will tell me that she is not busy. We have iPhones, calendars, outlook, post-it notes, etc to help keep us organized! Unfortunately, every day we live, most of us are just getting busier.

There are many Scriptures that tell us how to redeem our time - in every area of life. But, I want to concentrate on your time at home today.

There are a few books that have helped me see this reality a bit clearer: Girls Gone Wise, Shopping for Time, and The Gentle Ways of a Beautiful Woman. Of course there are more, but these three come to mind.

I want to live most of my life at home. Ok, yes, I work a full time job, in ministry, so that often means that it is well over 40 hours and even when at home I'm doing work for work. However, since i've been here, that has not been a reality for me. Some of the personal disciplines that I had in Louisville have not translated well to Raleigh living. Why - busy-ness and lack of strategical planning my day.

My friend Courtney wrote a fantastic blog post on her site about how the Spirit is sanctifying her in this area right now:

"Today has been a lazy day. And boy, do I like it! About a month or two ago a dear friend encouraged me to examine my schedule and cut things out that took me away from my husband and my home. As she wisely observed, I had begun to fill my evenings, and even my Saturdays, with a lot of other things that had very little to do with my husband. I had assumed that since he was studying I could just do whatever I wanted. He didn't need me around, right? Well, what happened was these other things became overwhelming. Suddenly, I was just away from home too much, but I was exhausted and moody when I was home. Not good."

To read the rest...go visit Courtney:

Here are a few exhortations from Scripture:

Prov 31.10, 15, 27: "An excellent wife, who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. She rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household and portions for her maiden. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness."

These commands and characteristics of the excellent wife (or excellent woman as Carolyn McCulley points out and illustrates in her book Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye) will look different depending on what life stage you are currently in. But, each of us must strive, in and through grace, to live these out. God has given us His Word to live out by the strength of His grace for his fame and glory in the world (or in our home, or to our friends, or our husbands).

May you be strengthened in His grace today!

True Woman Conference: Nancy Leigh DeMoss (Last Session)

This last session for the Conference is on Deborah:
Judges 4-5
1-3
The stage is set; it describes a cycle that is repeated at least 7 times in Judges:
Disobedience.
Discipline.
Desperation
Deliverance
God’s chosen covenant people were being disobedient. God’s is concerned with the homes of His people. The people of Israel do what is evil in the sight of the Lord. This was a period in the life of Israel of spiritual apostasy, “doing what was right in their own eyes”, they abandoned God and his laws, they pursued after Baal and Canaanite gods.
God sold them – he disciplined them. God in his mercy and love, he gave them up to be oppressed by the enemy. The chastening hand of God. God allows people and instruments to come into our lives to show us where we have disobeyed him.
It took intense discipline over prolonged time (20 years of oppression by the Canaanites) for the Lord to get the attention of His people. This is an amazing demonstration of the longsuffering of God, of his patience and mercy. We will be shown the redeeming hand of God.
v. 4 – Deborah comes in as a judge. Deborah was the answer to the cry of the people. She is utilizing her God-given gifts, living her life for other people, and she was content to fulfill the call of God on her life.
She was a prophetess. She was called and gifted by God to declare His Word to His people.
She was a wife. God inspired this little detail. This was her primary human relationship. She didn’t neglect this relationship.
She was a judge. Judges were people God raised up to rescue his people from their oppressors. God, in his sovereignty, raised this woman up. She just said, ‘”Yes, Lord.”
Deborah first heard from the Lord for herself. Then she gave the message. Deborah didn’t know any better other than just believe what God had said – God would win the battle. There is no doubt here – she is only confident in the Word of God. She had wisdom greater than her own. Today – we need women who know the Word of God. Others will seek us out. They will look for the wisdom that flows through us – the very Words of God.
Deborah agreed to go and arose. She went out of her comfort zone, out of her home; she marched into the face of danger. She went because she was a woman of faith and believed the promises of God. She had no choice but to be involved because God had put a call of God on her life. We get a display of a woman who stands and is strong in the power and Word of God.
God uses foot soldiers and women in this story. God chose the weak to confound the strong. Why? So God would get all the glory. God chooses the needy, helpless, and dependent. We go in the power and grace of the Holy Spirit.
The period of the Judges was not one of strong male leadership. I see Deborah as one who inspires male leadership. Her goal was not to lead but to serve. (5.7) Her heart was a mother. She simply saw herself as a mother – to the troops of Israel. She exuded a nurturing instinct. That is what motivated her, she wasn’t driven by power, position, or prestige – she was driven to be a mother – to sustain and nurture life.
Biblical womanhood looks different in different relationships. Deborah worked to nurture male leadership. She didn’t command Barak to do something – she wasn’t threatening him. She is relaying a message from God. We see Deborah in a responsive, helper role – she went at Barak’s appeal. She is delighted to see men rise up and take leadership. She is delighted to see it happen. When men are inspired to lead, she is happy (5.2). She affirms these men and expresses her gratitude to God. She doesn’t male bash.
Deborah is a woman of faith and courage. The legacy of her life – the men of her day became men. They came forward to fight evil and to defend their wives and children. She wasn’t looking to be the hero of the story. (Heb 11 mentions Barak and not Deborah). We would be totally bent out of shape. Deborah would have been thrilled to see Barak reach that point of faith – a man of great faith. Though she too had faith, in the end, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, it is Barak’s faith that gets listed.
The battle: v 12 – Barak is in a life-threatening position – but Deborah encourages him to move forward in faith. The power of a woman’s word has great influence on a man. Do your words encourage men to be men in whatever realm they are in? Or do they tear him down and make him timid. This isn’t just for your husband, but also for your pastor, your father, your brother, your friends. Our words can either tear up or tear down. Do your words bring fresh new life into the lives of men who are in your circle of influence?
Deborah is not the hero. Barak is not the hero. GOD is the hero. He won the battle. God is the champion of the story of our lives. God is the victorious warrior. We go into battle with that confidence. The battle is the Lord’s. God used human means but he also used supernatural means to win the battle. Jehovah was over this war – and over the false gods. God reminded both the enemy and His people that He is the God over all.
Don’t ever underestimate the power or the grace of God.

True Woman Conference Chattanooga - Mary Kassian

How many of you have messed something up because you were too proud or stubborn to follow the directions? Over the past few decades, we women decided we needed to put out a new definition of womanhood. Men and women are the same and should be treated the same. Being like men became our highest goal. Men should be more like women; and women should be more like men.
Genesis of Gender (God’s original design for male and female – the directions – the theological meat of gender). Genesis 1 reveals male and female are more like God than anything else in the universe:
1.26-27 “Let us make man in our image.” God is talking to God – the Father is talking to the Son. God created male and female in His image. There is something about the us of God – the relationship of the Trinity – that speaks to gender. He created male and female, gender displays God. How we relate is an object lesson, a parable, the story isn’t about us. Scripture saiys God created sons and daughters to display HIS GLORY. Male and female are the focal point of everything God made. When you observe the differences in male and female, all these things tell a story. Gender and sex constantly display truth about God.
Paul says in Romans 1 that people are without excuse because gender screams out two truths about God: His power and his diving nature. He wants us to get it. Eph 5 connects the dots, marriage and sex, male and female, all illustrate the Gospel Story. That is why God created male and female. Before the foundation of the earth, God knew the story of the Gospel – He had this in mind when He made male and female in the garden during the week of Creation.
12 differences in male and female evident in creation (Girls Gone Wise, Chapter 9):
1. Male is uniquely male – he is firstborn. 2.7. God created male first. This is not random. The firstborn son held a special position in the family – responsible to carry out his father’s instruction. Adam was the firstborn of the human race. Romans tells us that in Adam, all die. This points us to Christ – Col 1 – he took Adam’s place. He is the firstborn, the last Adam, the representative for all who place their trust in Him (Hebrews). Paul tells Timothy the reason men are called to be leaders of the church is because Adam was created first. Men need to step up and be responsible for the church family; as well as his earthly family (Eph 5).
2. The male was put in the garden. 2.15. God took the man from where he was created and put him in the garden. God created man out in the wild, from the dust of the dessert, and put him in the Garden of Eden. A garden is a place with specified boundaries.
3. The male was commissioned to work. 2.15. Work is translated for tilling soil. It contains the idea of serving someone else. Man’s life in the garden was not for himself, but he was to provide for his family’s need. The primary responsibility for provision for a family lies with the man; this is in their makeup.
4. The male was commissioned to protect. 2.15. “Keep” translates to be in charge of, oversight, to be attentive, protect what is in one’s charge. He created men to be stronger, more suited for a fight.
5. The male receives spiritual instruction. 2.16-17. Before woman arrived on the scene, God put the instruction to the man. Woman had a personal relationship with the Lord, but as leader of his newly formed family unit – he needed to know God’s command.
6. The male learned to exercise authority. 2.19. This “naming of the animals” was a training exercise for authority. He was mentoring him in how to do that – how to govern well. He wanted him to exercise that authority with gentleness, care, and wisdom.
7. The female was created from the male. 2.22.23. We need to remember where we came from. We are not to regard that which we were created from as lesser than us. It was proper for the woman to have a sense of respect for the male from which she was created.
8. The female was created for the male. 2.22. It was not the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. The Hebrew preposition denotes direction – with reference to, or towards him, his existence led to hers. We have fallen so far from the created order. When brides walk down the aisle, we need to be thinking “I was created for this man.”
9. The female was created to help. 2.20. Help with what? She is a helper “fit” for him – a like opposite – a complement to him. His purpose was to glorify God – woman helps man glorify God more than man could do by himself.
10. The female deferred to the male. 2.23. She didn’t try to have dominion over him.
11. The female was the perfect counterpart. 2.25. The sound of the ish and the isha are similar, but ish comes from the root: strength, and isha comes from the root: soft. Strength and soft. She is able to receive. The biblical meaning for strength: a champion valiantly serving his people, manhood, virility. Woman’s corresponding softness is her ability to give life, directed by inner strength. The bodies of male and female show this. A woman’s body is meant to receive; a man’s body is designed to give. She is the beautiful soft woman. Each is a beautiful counterpart. According to Scripture, it is a woman’s softness, our ability to nurture, that is our greatest strength.
12. The woman was created in the garden. Gen 2.15. Female was created in a place of safety. The place that was designed as a place of authority by her husband. She is the constant beneficiary of the protection God has put in her life.
God’s design for biblical manhood and womanhood is spectacular. The sexes complement each other – both exult to the glory of the Gospel. Ultimately, that is what women and men are supposed to do. God designed creation and gender in this way so we could have a display of the Gospel – the story of His Son and His Bride. It also gave us a picture of longing, desire, and relationship. The visible symbols give picture to the unseen – that is why gender is SO important. Is it any wonder Satan tries to destroy this picture? It is where we hurt the most.
Conclusion:
1. God has a spectactular design for your womanhood. He has a pattern for what He wants for you to be as woman. It is very profound and significant.
2. God wants you to say yes to His design. He wants you to recognize the ways you have messed up your life by not wanting to read the directions. It is not a cookie-cutter or a list. True womanhood says yes to God and His right to be God. I am a true woman when I acknowledge that God has the best insight into who I am and how I should live.
3. God will do an amazing work of restoration.

True Woman Conference Chattanooga - Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Titus 3 reminds us that we ourselves were once foolish, slaves, hating one another. Do we ever see ourselves in that light? We will never love the gospel enough until we see ourselves as great sinners. And thankfully there is the next verse – he saved us – not because of our works, but according to his own mercy.
First, the context of Titus. Titus 1: Titus’ culture looked much like ours: Titus 1.10ff. God has a solution: the gospel. How does that gospel get into the culture? How does the light penetrate the darkness? God has raised up the church, the redeemed.
Paul is talking to a young man who was called to lead the local church: be above reproach, teach in accordance with sound doctrine. In Titus 2, Paul calls all believers are to do the same thing. Our lives are to be above reproach, different from the world, transformed from the inside out from the power of the gospel, they are to be distinctive. The gospel is supposed to make a difference in our lives. Sadly, this is often not the case. Paul insists that they way to transform a lost culture is to live out the truths of the Word. This is why Paul tells Titus to preach sound doctrine.
Paul gives declaratives to each demographic in life: what constitutes older women? Every woman is an older woman to someone – and we should all be aspiring to this position. We see the life and the legacy of this woman. Our lives are to be above reproach. We need to be reverent in behavior – exhibit behavior for those who are holy. We are not slanders nor slaves to much wine. This above reproach-ness affects every area of our lives. One area is slaves to much wine: (not only specifically to wine, but also to an indulgent lifestyle). God wants to change every bit about me – that includes not living my life for myself.
Their legacy: to train the young women. We cannot train others what we have not learned ourselves. We will not be effective teaching what others have not seen lived out in our lives. We need to teach out of brokenness. We need to take the younger women into our lives: let them see how the Lord of the Gospel is daily changing our lives. We are to pass on the baton of faith for the glory of Jesus.
This teaching takes place in the context of community. Life on life. Teach what is good and so train the younger women. If you have had truth poured into you, then you are to turn around and pour it out into the lives of younger women. (This role is not reserved for the Kay Arthurs, Beth Moores, and Anne Lotzes.) We have the curriculum spelled out for us in Titus 2.3ff. 7 radical, swimming-against-the- culture-lessons. It is God’s way. This is how life is to work.
What is not on this list: prayer, Bible reading, personal devotional life, evangelism. These are important but they are not on the “must” list. Career and doing ministry are not on this list. We need to focus on this list. We see the importance of the home on this list. The norm for most women is to be wives and mothers – this is the primary sphere where most live out the gospel. We also see the priority of love: the love of Christ. We can’t claim to love God if we don’t love our husbands or our children. It doesn’t matter what the other women in the church see in you – it matters what your family sees in you. If we don’t know how to love our husbands and children – we can learn.
Our lives are supposed to be counter-culture. Culture is characterized by pride, gluttony, rebellion, hatred, impurity, etc. That is what this world is like. Can they see a difference in us?
We need to live above reproach.
We need to be intentional about passing on the faith.
We need to be reverent in behavior.
We speak words that build up.
We are not slaves to much wine. We do not live for our flesh.
We are to love our husbands and value the permanence of marriage.
We are to love our children.
We are to be self-controlled. (a sophron state of mind)
We are to be pure.
We are to love our home – be homemakers.
We are to be kind and other-centered.
We are to have a submissive heart attitude.
How well does your life, does my life, reflect the grace of God – a woman who has been transformed and redeemed by the Blood of Christ. Our culture is so absent of the items in the above list. I want to be defined by the things on this list – even while single. I want to love my home. I want to be kind and gracious to people in my speech. I want to have a submissive spirit to the godly, male authority in my life in the relationships with my pastors, my boss, and my father. I want to be pure in every area of my life. I do not want to indulge.
So that the world will have nothing negative to say about me.
So that that the Word of God will not be misaligned.
So that I might adorn the gospel – that the focus would not be on me.
By the power of the Gospel. (Titus 2.11)

True Woman Conference Chattanooga: Voddie Baucham

True Woman Conference Sessions 1: Voddie Baucham
Dr. Baucham is a pastor in Spring, Texas and an author, a husband, and a father. The first time I heard him speak live was at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary to a packed house – he brought it. Tonight he is speaking to a group of women of all ages – about 2400 of us. Different audience, same Truth. Tonight, the truth is coming from Titus 1-2.
“Set our heart’s affection on you – speak to us clearly and powerfully through your Word." - Amen
From True Woman Manifesto: God’s Plan for gender is wider than marriage; all women, whether married or single, are to model femininity in their various relationship, by exhibiting a distinctive modesty , responsiveness, and gentleness of spirit. (Lord – make this so in my life.)
Mature Christian women have a responsibility to leave a legacy of faith, by discipling younger women in the Word and ways of God and modeling for the next generation lives of fruitful femininity.
God gives us a picture in Titus 1 and 2 of what he has provided for our sanctification – the way he shapes our lives as believers. There are three principle tools here:
a. Godly mature men and women in the church.
b. Godly manly elders and pastors
c. Biblically functioning homes

Titus 2 – Godly mature men and women in the church. This is for our discipleship and growth in Christ. Older men are to be. Older women are to likewise be. Godly, mature, character. This isn’t automatic for people who are older – this is character that is formed over time and is the fruit of sanctification. This is the picture of character forged over time. We, as women, have a unique power in our tongue – to build up and to tear down. The older women are exemplified in the way we use our speech. The picture painted here is the result of the years of walking with God and being transformed by the gospel – she opens her mouth and wisdom comes out (Prov 31, Gal 4, Dt 31), speaking God’s truth. This isn’t a picture of a woman who teaches Bible studies (primarily) – but is speaking of a woman who has poured her life into the lives of women through intentional relationships. The younger women need older women to teach them to love their husbands and children. That the Word of God might not be reviled. When older women are not about the task of teaching younger women – we are not rightly living out the gospel. If we are following the ways of a culture that denies biblical manhood and womanhood, then I am marring the picture of Christ and his Church. His honor is being defamed. These things need to be taught. The older women have such a crucial role in the life of the church. And when we blame our disobedience on our circumstances: we are putting our circumstances above the Word of God.

Titus 1: Godly manly elders and pastors. The list in Titus 1 is primarily for pastors and elders, but Titus 1 is for all men – here is why:
There is no list in Titus 2.
Pastors are called in 1 Peter 5.3 to be examples to the flock. If he has a list of qualifications that aren’t applicable to the rest of the flock – then how can he be an example.
There isn’t anything in this list that we would give up for our sons – that we would not want our sons to be. Above reproach. Godly kids. Not arrogant. But hospitable. Hold firm to
the Truth (not a heretic). (Just to name a few.)
Titus 1: Biblically functioning homes. Titus 1.10 – “for” – there are many who are upsetting whole families.”
The primary discipling unit is the home. Eph 6.1-4. Children, parents, fathers – Dt 6, Ps 78, Proverbs – the home is the place of instruction for our children. Child is born. Child is born into a home with a mother and father who know and love God. They understand biblical womanhood and manhood, understand marriage as a picture of the gospel, and they give sound doctrine throughout the life of that child, they take that child to a healthy church where he hears thundering gospel from the pulpit. The pastor echoes what this child has heard in his home, the gray-haired folks in the church echo what this child has learned in his home. That is the picture.
On a personal note: I do not live in the ideal. I am not ideal: I sin. I fall short of the glory of God. I do have great older women, pastors, and families who model Titus 1 and 2 for me. I pray that as I grow older, the Lord continues to put younger women in my life that I can pour into – that I can speak grace and truth to. Lord – make my speech a display of your glorious Gospel.
When we don’t have all the pieces of this puzzle – be grateful before you get mad at the Lord. Be grateful for the grace in your life of what you do have. Repent of the sin that is in our lives that keep us from having the ideal. We live in a fallen world – always affected by either our sin or someone else’s sin. Repent of the anger, the bitterness, the lies, the unforgiveness. Be God’s, live and walk in the Truth of the Word and the light of the Gospel.

Personal Reflection on Girls Gone Wise

This past week I've spent much of my time reading Mary Kassian's new book Girls Gone Wise in a World Gone Wild. As most of my close friends know, I'm not a huge reader of "women only" books because I find them to be only geared to certain women or I find them to be fluffy. I am not a fluffy girls' book reader.
This was not a fluffy book and it was geared toward all women - no matter the stage of life she is in! And, it was AMAZING (only better if it were shorter). I was convicted by this book many times. And it seemed as if I thought of one thing - she brought it up in the next paragraph. Very odd - but very cool as well.
Here are some personal thoughts on the Spirit's work in my life through this book. I will definitely be re-reading it - and will hopefully have a chance to lead some girls through it in the future.
1. I am not amenable, at least not in my heart. I like to control a situation, I like to know what is going on, and though I may be "glad" to go along with other plans on the outside, it is a heart struggle. God is working on this in my life. "An amenable woman gladly foregoes personal desires and preferences to honor that authority. (Contrast #4). I think I do that, planning around other's likes and dislikes and preferences, but I still want to be in control. I don't want to be like this: "A brazen, defiant attitude stands in stark contrast to the soft receptiveness that the Lord intended for women." (#4). Like I said, this may be done on the outside, but its the heart that matters.
2. I clearly see the effect of sin in this book on women's lives; it is a sad affair. "So many of us are living with the brokenness, dysfunction, pain, and confusion, that comes from having gone wild." The cure: the Gospel. (intro)
3. "The more a woman's heart is seized with affection for Jesus, the more her life will be transformed to walk in his ways." (#1) It has to start with the heart. I can definitely tell a difference in my life if I have spent way too much time watching TV/movies/internet and not any time reading the Word. My thoughts and contentrations and shortness of temper are definitely off the mark. I saw this marked in a girl's life just last night. You could tell in how she talked about her Jesus that she loved Him and the feelings were mutual! :)
4. "The second adjective describing the Proverbs 7 woman is translated wayward. The Hebrew word means to be stubborn and rebellious. It reflects a defiant, self-willed, obstinate, nobody tells me what to do frame of mind. (#4, Ez 20.38, Ps 78.8). God has already been working this in me. But, I also pick it up in girls more easily now than before. I work in the lounge of the women's dorm on campus here at SBTS. It has given me opportunity to get to know some of them. I can tell though in some of them that they are defiant and loud and not calm and gentle. This makes me sad. Honestly.
5. "Homeward faced, wisdom graced; out to the max, wisdom lacks." (#5) I loved this. I can clearly see that my focus needs to be on home. The past few weeks haven't been that for me in the midst of packing, hanging out with friends, etc - and I have missed that. I love my home (ok, my 800 square foot apt), but I love having folks over, tending to home, being satisfied with being in my quiet apt. This is where God has called women - whether a family, single, kids, etc. We see this in the commands for what older women are to teach younger women (Titus 2).
6. "She's happy when she has a new prospect on the horizon and the hunt is going well" (#6). Mary talks here of a woman's focus. I will admit that when there is a prospect of a cute godly guy in my path, I'm going to get dressed differently in the morning, wear makeup if I'm going out where I might see him, etc. There is an added spring to my step. But, why? Why don't I do this everyday because I'm loved by my Saviour?
7. Body Language - #8. I have seen this all too often in the girls' dorm too - mainly this has been my interaction with college girls the past 3 years. They are playful in tossing the hair, sitting on guys' laps, sitting on the arm of the chair he is sitting in, giggling profusely, sometimes dressing inappropriately. I want to film them, then have a movie night and play it along side the reading of this book. I have also been convicted of watching these same tendencies in my own life and interaction with every male that I come in contact with, work with, see in stores, etc.
8. Roles #9 - if you want a good quick chapter overview of the basics of CBMW Gender Roles - read this chapter. Nuf said!
9. Another one of the big hits for me: "Restraining words means that you don't have to have an opinion on everything. You don't have to comment on everything that happens. You don't have to answer every question. You don't have to constantly make your thoughts known. You don't have to be proved right. You don't have to show off your superior knowledge. You don't have to constantly offer advice." (#17). As most of you know I am quite opinionated. I feel this has also gotten less in the last few years. It is partly due to male leadership in my life the last few years and also the working of the Spirit. I noticed a few times this week even that I practiced this - and you know, it was ok that I didn't express my opinion but instead kept my mouth shut.
I started to get discouraged in my actions and heartitude by page 105. Then I read the next paragraph:
"Given my own strength and willpower, my ability to life a self-disciplined life is extremely limited. That's why I need to depend on my Helper. Success is a matter of depending on the Holy Spirit and not on my own capacity." (#5). Remember, living a life pleasing to God isn't done on your own merits - but on the merit of Christ. That's why we celebrate EASTER!

Book Review: Girls Gone Wise (Mary Kassian)

One of the pleasures of working at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary has been to meet and interact with professors and authors. Mary Kassian is one of those. She has been a joy to get to know. She has provided such wisdom in my life both in conversation and through her writings.
Girls Gone Wise (in a World Gone Wild) is definitely no exception. I marked my copy profusely with notes to myself and underlined key quote that I've been sharing with women.
Kassian has no trouble hitting her target audience: women - of all ages. She wrote this book so that any woman: single, married, in college, 3 kids, high schooler, grandmother, would be able to pick it up and apply it to her life. One of the reasons this is accomplished is because Scripture applies to all of us: no matter what stage of life we are in.
Mrs. Kassian takes the sage advice from the writer of Proverbs and compares the two women he identifies in the book: the "Girls Gone Wild" and the "Girls Gone Wise". She creatively illustrates the devastating contrasts between the women in Proverbs, mostly in chapters 7 and 31. When looking at the two women side-by-side one notices the stark difference between the two. One following the ways of the world, foolish, and heading to a life of destruction. The other following the Spirit's leading, wise, and walking daily in the fear of God; her life gripped with the power of the Gospel.
The author brilliantly weaves cultural anecdotes, Scriptural characters and life lessons to make this a book you do not want to put down. Kassian knows the culture to which she is writing. Her years of ministry, teaching, and being a mom/wife have prepared her more than adequately to write this book.
Mary speaks to gender roles in one of the chapters (taken from Prov 7.13, 22 and 1 Peter 3.4-6). This is a great chapter for a well-done and qucik overview of issues concerning submission, male and female roles in relationships, created equal, and other key points. She speaks of the unique relationship that God started in the garden by the order of creation and the commands that God gave to each person. This is very helpful, especially if this is your first time encountering biblical foundations for gender roles.
The three parts you can find in each of the 20 Points of Contrast Mary highlights are: the dangers of following the ways of the world, dangers of ignoring the counsel of God, His Word, and the Spirit, and the promise of a life well-lived for the glory of God. In this compare/contrast style of writing, it is more clearly seen than if she had chosen to write it a different way. Each chapter you see the dangers and the folly and you are convicted by the Spirit to take account of your own life by the scales of comparison.
The only thing I would say that I would have liked better is if it were shorter. Especially if leading this with a group of women, 20 chapters is a long book. You would definitely need to split it between semesters (Fall/Spring) or do 2 chapters a week in the summer. This book would be amazing to go through in an accountability group of trusted women.
Mary: thank you for writing this wise counsel. I look forward to not only re-reading it, studying it more in depth as I've seen God point out areas in my own life that need working on by the Spirit; but also sharing it/leading it in small groups in the future.

Cleavage and Pencil Skirts on the Toy Aisle

Well...the doll industry has done it again.

Mattel, the leading industry icon for all things doll, including Barbie, has chose to market these new dolls to young girls.

Here are some things this doll can teach impressionable young pre-teen and pre-adolescent girls:

1. You are what you look like.

2. It doesn't matter how you dress

3. The work force is the place for you (whatever work one might be doing dressed like that)

4. You can get where you want to in life as long as you dress immodestly.

That is just the beginning, but I'll leave it at that.

Moms (especially), Dads, childrens pastors, babysitters...anyone...please read this...

Our girls live in an age that is dangerous for them and their eyes and ears. I was visiting with a friend last night and had the Disney channel on for most of the evening. I couldn't believe the shows that were on, what they were wearing, how they talked to their parents, the topics of their conversations....

The magazine aisle or the checkout aisle is dangerous because of the scantily scad stars or models that boast the front page.

The bookstores are dangerous for the same reason.

The malls are dangerous because of stores like Victoria Secrets and even places like Rue 21 and other stores that sell mostly teen, pre-teen clothing.

What I am not saying is to guard your child so much that she never sees the outside of your home. I'm not saying that you should never let your daughter go to the mall, go to Barnes and Noble or shop at Toys 'R' Us again.

What I am saying is this:

1. Amazingly show your daughter that the gospel is more important in her life than what she looks like.

2. Dads (especially) tell your daughter that she is beautiful. The other day I was eating dinner with friends, and probably heard this statement 5 times in a matter of 3 hours. This Dad's daughter was only 15 months or so (about) but she already knew that she was cherished by her Daddy. Priceless.

3. Teach your daughter biblical principles for attire. We don't have hem line measurements in Scripture, but we do have principles.

4. Shop with your daughters and walk them through things that might not be appropriate and tell them why.

5. Be involved in your daughter's life so she can come to you with her questions and her inadequacies and know that you care and love her.

6. Give your daughter a biblical world view of the gospel, her created self made in the image of the one true God, her role as woman, her spirit and heart that matter more than what she looks like on the outside.

Here are some Scriptures that teach on the above principles to pour over your daughter (maybe on a mom/daughter date night, or a wknd away, or just a morning breakfast of her fave pancakes): Gen 1:26-28; 1 Peter 3; Prov 7 (of how not to be); Prov 31 (of how to be); Col 3, 4; Gal 6.14; Prov 4.23.

Here are some books that might help you as well:

Girls Gone Wise - Mary Kassian (coming soon)

Your Girl - Vicki Courtney

Girl Talk - Mahaneys

Lies Young Women Believe - Nancy Leigh Demoss

Happily Ever After - Inquest Ministries

Talk with your daughter. Don't let the images that Mattel and other worldly manufacturers distribute be chiseled in their minds. The gospel is better.

Valentines Day Approaching

The more I live the more I see that this world is not about Christ. Ok - yes, I should know that, and I do. But, the closer I am with God - the more I am in His Word, serving Him, being shaped by Him, the more I am appalled by sin.
Being home the past two days has allowed for good times of reading and little TV watching - that was grand!
With Valentine's Day on Sunday, I thought I would shoot this out there. How do you prepare for Valentine's Day? Last night I made some Vday goodies to share tonight and tomorrow. I am babysitting for a couple on Saturday night so they can have a date. I am making brownies shaped in hearts for a potluck on Sunday. I really don't think much about the fact that I am single on Vday, because I've only ever dated one person on Vday, and it didn't rock my world...so...
I came across this on a blog I read (about fitness mostly, or well-being), and I wanted to counter her 5 points with Scripture. This is how you have to start looking at the world - a biblical worldview!
Noshtopia wrote this: How to have a good Valentine's Day:
1. Be completely selfish. Phil 2.3: Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
This first one is so anti-biblical. I am reading Elyse Fitzpatrick's Counsel from the Cross. The third chapter is all about LOVE. It doesn't say anything about being selfish. I would counter Stephanie's first point by saying on Vday - find something to do for others. I love babysitting for people around Vday (and I usually say I'll do it for free) because I want to be encouraging their marriage.
2. Give Your Inner Voice a Day Off. Counter this with: Preach the Gospel To yourself every day. I actually agree with her point. She knows, as we all do, that if we are single we are usually hating life on Vday because our culture, especially our church culture, makes it miserable for you to be single. I think culture looks upon singleness as a good thing (for mostly wrong reasons). I have found it mostly difficult to be single in the church because most people are pressing you to get married, or women's events are geared toward mothers or wives; not just women.
3. Get Glammed Up and Go Party. Counter this with: 1 Peter 3.3-4: Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. Do I think it is a bad thing to get dressed up and go out to eat, art show, somewhere fun - NO. I love doing it. But so much of our culture presses this issue, especially for single women. This Sunday night, I'm going out to eat with new friends who are coming to look at the seminary. Will I look pretty - as much as I can. But, I can't find my worth in this - or try to use it as a flirtatious model for attracting men.
4. Make Love with Yourself. Counter: Hebrews 13.4: Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. This one appalled me more than any of the others. Where do I begin? Sexual activity is just for the marriage of a man and a woman for life. No where else. I was watching a repeat of "American Life" on ABC Family. The mother of one of the teenagers told the father (in front of the son) - "He's just wanting to figure out if he wants oral sex from one or sex from the other?" For real, on ABC Family? What kind of family show is that? Well, don't need to watch that anymore. Do I really need TV?
5. Write Down 5 Things You DO Have. Counter: And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. The Word tells us to be grateful for all the blessings we do have. God has been so gracious to us. And on this Valentine's Day I am grateful for: new friends, new ministry opportunities, my family, friends who have loved me for a long time, the Word, provision.

So...how do you look at Valentine's Day? What are your plans for the wknd?

Women in the SBC

Much in the news lately about former President Jimmy Carter and his leaving the SBC church in GA he was a member of because of their position on women in leadership in the church. So, here we are again. Some people think the Gender debate is old news and not very relevant any more. But - it SO IS! This needs to be discussed in our churches, our homes, our families, our communities.
Here are some thoughts:
1. Scripture teaches that men and women are created equal in the sight of God but with different functions (Gen 1-3).
2. Scripture also teaches that in the local church, men are to serve as the head (1 Tim 3).
That is really what the whole argument of women leading the local church boils down to.
These next few points are for ladies.
I used to think that teaching men was the one thing I wanted to do - or at least be up in front of everyone talking, leading a youth group (full of young men), etc.
But, why do we aspire to be leaders of the church - the teaching elders of a church?
Sin - That part in Genesis 3 where we desire to rule over our husbands and where we seek to form our own heart idols - our little g gods. We want to, in our flesh, usurp God's authority and His Word in our lives.
Do we not think that the following is just as good of a role to accomplish and fulfill?
1. Being a wife and a mother - teaching our children to fear God, loving and helping our husbands (Eph 5, 6)?
2. Training the younger women to love their husbands, have solid doctrine, be wise and smart in things of the home (Titus 2, Prov 31)
3. Training children in the local church - VBS, weekly children's time, etc.

These are the things that are beautiful. We, as women, should not desire to be the pastors and men-teachers in the local church. We should love to be what God has called us to be - nurturers of our home, lovers of our husbands, and most importantly lovers of God, passionately loving Jesus, making Him gloriously known throughout the world, and to be Christ-followers - humbled by grace.

CBMW Re:Post: Weight/Dating/Obesity

Here is a post I wrote for CBMW - check it out:

http://www.cbmw.org/Blog/Posts/Weight-and-Obesity

So Called "Expert" Advice from the Bartender

It was magazine day last week. I had 4 magz in my box and got the chance to glance through them then read them a bit closer during dinner meals (one good thing to eating by yourself most of the time - you can multitask).
I came across this article in the August 2009 Bon Appetit. Honestly, what caught my eye was the look of this woman. She is a my age-ish bartender in Boston. She is dressed mostly in black (with a white shirt, sorta tuxedo-ish). She has a beautifully crafted tattoo of a bird or chicken taking up her right arm. She has a beautiful smile and short black hair. My first thought was, man, that is definitely not what a biblical woman dresses/looks like. Than I thought "I don't even know this woman, who am I to judge?" I thought to myself would people who don't even know me, look at me, and think I am a biblical woman? More importantly - would they, after knowing me, think I am a biblical woman? Don't know if I want to know the answer to either of those questions.
Now I was intrigued, and kept reading the interview. The last question - here you go:
Q - As a Harvard Divinity School graduate, have you found any parallels between religion and cocktails?
A - Humans seek comfort in many ways, two of which are the rituals of organized religion and the rituals of social drinking. Martin Luther wrote who loves no woman, wine, and song remains a fool his whole life long."

Couple of thoughts:
1. She is right
2. Unfortunately
3. Hopefully your relationship with Jesus, my relationship with Jesus - is more than the rituals of organized religion
4. Nice use of the ML quote
5. Would any SBCers agree with that Martin Luther quote?

So, if you are ever in Boston, head to Drink on Congress Avenue and you may be able to strike up a conversation about cocktails and religion with their bartender.

New Com(passion)

Baltimore and the NEXT conference was amazing for me in so many ways. But, probably in the top two was God granting me, by His mercy, a new compassion for college girls. Ask any of my college girls that I have done ministry with in the past and they will tell you different things. One of them probably is not compassion - and for that, to them, for the gospel - I must apologize.
But, this wknd God granted me that in his compassion for me - for the sake of the gospel.
Before listening to Carolyn McCulley's breakout session on her new book, God had already stirred this. But, after it - it was amazing (even going to HRC afterwards and talking about it with the guys I was with for dinner). As I listened to the woman bartender and many women sitting at the bar in the restaurant, being loud, carrying on, cheering on the pouring of liquor - I couldn't help but hearing them and saying to myself "ladies - there is something BETTER!"
So, here is a short list I jotted down in my journal:
1. BE different in the love of Jesus. When I look at young women, you can usually tell on the outside who they are. Usually. But, I want them to grasp the love of Jesus (the mystery of this grand, crazy thing) that alone can change them. All of us are searching for something, until we come to rest in the love of the one who Created us. "The most heinous sin is ignoring our Creator" was said this wknd. I find that girls do this in so many ways. I do this in so many ways. We are longing for something that will make us whole. We want many worldly things to afford us that satisfaction and completeness. Only Jesus will do that.
2. LOVE differently in the love of Jesus. Relationships are probably the most crucial thing in the lives of young women. They crave and desire to be loved. Many women will do most anything to get it. And I'm just not referring to unbelievers - although they do this too. We, as Christian women, strive for love to by pursuing men who are not our's yet.
3. LIVE differently in the love of Jesus. After we know our BEing is different because of Jesus - our lives will look radically different. We won't want to pursue after the things of this world. We will want to pursue Jesus and the roles for which He designed us. I remember starting seminary and thinking I wanted a MDiv because MDiv in Women's Ministries was way too narrow. Oh, God, please forgive me for not understanding your grand design then. How often I play the part of an egalitarian, wanting man's approval because the approval of women doesn't matter. We will want to live and act differently in the light of this crazy love!
4. DRESS differently in the love of Jesus. This is probably the most visible thing we are women do. And there isn't a list or checklist of ways that women should dress. But, how about dressing conservatively and femininely. There is someway that we can dress that will present something totally different than what the world is offering. Everyone doesn't have to wear floral prints and pink. But, many times we dress like men (polo shirts, jeans or khakis, tennis shoes, no jewelry, short hair) - why do we want to do that. Yes, I have on gray slacks today. But, I am wearing a coral shirt with some black dress shoes and jewelry. All to say, our outward appearance should be noticed by the world by being feminine and modest.
Two passages I love for the above reasons and have studied recently and heart preached recently:
Col 3.1-17:
3:1 If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge after the image of its creator. Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all. Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
And Eph 5.1-17
5:1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true), and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret. But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says,
“Awake, O sleeper,and arise from the dead,and Christ will shine on you.” Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.

I don't know what this will look like as I minister with college girls and young women. I pray as I begin doing ministry in a new church, have opportunities to meet new women on behalf of SBTS and CBMW, speak at different events, continue in ministering to the young ladies I already know, and hopefully raise my own daughter in the future - God will shine brightly for the gospel in my life for HIS GLORY.

NEXT Thoughts

Memorial Day Weekend 2009 was spent in Baltimore, MD attending and exhibiting (for CBMW) at the NEXT Conference (Sovereign Grace Ministries). It was held at the Baltimore Convention Center just blocks away from the Inner Harbor (water, the Atlantic, I loved it!).
There are plenty of lives blogs on it and those folks do a much better job than me (find it by clicking on the NEXT in the above paragraph), so I am just putting down some thoughts from the weekend.
Funnest part of the weekend - hands down - was the drive to DC on Sunday night for the Memorial Day Concert at the Capitol. Cool time in our Nation's capitol, making me again proud to have men and women fighting for us and to live in a free country. The generations of men, especially from war eras, take this stuff seriously. You could see it when they stood up as their particular branch was mentioned. Very cool. And then on the way back, dying laughing to Brian Regan...so stinkin funny, then hunting for a place for dinner and ending up at the 7-11. You do what you gotta do!
Random - ok, down to some serious stuff.
I got the chance to exhibit for CBMW, my whole reason for going. I got the chance to speak to many young men and women about God's grand and perfect design for manhood and womanhood, founded in Creation, for the church, home, and family. Amazing stuff. I love this ministry!
I read a verse in my Bible reading on Friday: "Our God is in the heavens, He does all that He pleases. (Ps 115.3). This verse really was in my heart the entire weekend.
My friend Wendy couldn't come at the last minute, but I got to hang out with 3 great guys all weekend. I haven't laughed so much in what, ever? It was a blast. Genuinely great guys. Loved it. Missed Wendy though. And hanging out with other new friends from the seminary was fun too, sitting together at the sessions, texting, laughing, eating together, building community. Life together.
The first session I went to was D. A. Carson. I had never heard him, but was familiar with some of his books. He gave one of the best sermons on the Incarnation that I have ever heard. Here are some random things from his talk:
1. When we read John 3.16 the amazing things shouldnot be the vastness of God's love, but that God loved the world - and we were so evil.
2. Must have an understanding of lostness. The Light came to the darkness and it knew him not (his text was John 1.1-18). We can know little of the saving power of Christ without recognizing our total depravity. If we do not believe in the total depravity of man, then we will hardly grasp the infinitude of the power of Christ. If we weren't totally depraved, then we could have done something to earn our way to God. Not if we are totally lost.
3. Jesus himself is the meeting place between God and us - not be His incarnation but by His death. In His death, we see the glory of God.
CJ Mahaney spoke on the death of Christ. Mark 15-33-39 was his main passage:
1. We can't think on the death of Christ too often - Spurgeon
2. Don't let me become indifferent to the cross of Christ.
3. There was no alternative to the Cross. When Jesus cried out from the Cross to the Father - there was only silence, not a plan B.
***4. Death is God's way of limiting our arrogance.
Carolyn McCulley's breakout session - simple amazing! Breaks my heart for the 1200 young women in there and more so in the world who don't get this stuff. And thankful for all the ones who do. And points a spotlight on my sould where I don't live it. If you don't have her book - Radical Womanhood - get it.
1. Christian young women today may not know the names of the philosophers from the past of feminists, but they are definitely living in the wake of their thoughts.
2. Seed of feminism lies in all of us. Our enemy is not feminism, but spiritual power - Satan.
3. My worldview determines my solution to the problem.
4. Planned Parenthood is - at its core - anti-Jesus, anti-gospel. Justice can be had without having an explicit belief in the gospel of Jesus.
5. 1870 census started saying that the only productivity that mattered was the money brought home from outside the home (men's salaries). What this did to the breakdown of the SAHM worth is on its on - irrevocable.
Sinclair Ferguson - on the Resurrection - cool Scottish dude and no kilt.
1. No resurrection = No Gospel
2. The resurrection is staying with the faithfulness of God - His covenental, eternal, trustworthiness didn't stop and leave Jesus in the tomb - Jesus is alive!
3. We have a liturgist in the Heavens - a great High Priest! Love the song Before the Throne of God Above.
Then in my personal journaling time, many thoughts of which I won't be completely open about on here:
1. God's gracious compassion He has finally poured in to my heart for young women on the issues: being whole and satisfied in Christ, modesty, pursuing femininity, healthy bodies.
2. How my sense of rejection is so acute. When it happens to me - it bothers me so much. Even though I'm not an outwardly emotional person a lot of the time, rejection is the thing that hurts the most to me.
3. Biblical male leadership - how precious and incredible and cravable that is.

One Night Celebrity

I was just tipped to this "service" by facebook. Thank you. Now, I can go be a celebrity for one night. None of this dealing with the tabloids for years because you put on a little weight, or go out without your makeup on. Everyone can be a celebrity for one night!
Really. This only goes to show that the world is not run by the Word.

Pride. Vanity. Perishing. Death.

Ecc 1.14: "I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold, all is vanity and a striving after wind."
Psalm 10.4: "In the pride of his face the wicked does not seek him; all his thoughts are, “There is no God.”
Prov 16.18: "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall."


And for women, this is EXACT opposite of what God told us to do:

1 Peter 3.3-4: Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.

Thoughtful Thursday: Carolyn Mahaney

"The commands found in Titus 2 have been given to us for an all-important reason that transcends time and culture. That reason is the gospel of Jesus Christ. These virtues are not about our personal fulfillment or individual preference. They are required for the sake of unbelievers - so that those who are lost might come to know our Savior. How exciting it is to think that we can actually commend the gospel! As verse 10 says, we can adorn the gospel with our lives. To "adorn" means to put something beautiful or attractive on display - like placing a flawless gemstone in a setting that uniquely shows off its brilliance. The gospel is like the most vaulable of jewels. It is the pearl of great price. Make no mistake, by adorning the gospel, we are not enhancing or improving it. The gospel cannot be improved! But by cultivating the feminine qualities listed in Titus 2, we can present the gospel as attrative, impressive, and pleasing to a watching world."

Feminine Appeal (p 26, 27)

Biblical Femininity 2009

I love pearls. I love pink. I love to cook. I love to dress up. I love to look nice and want my hair to be done well. I also love to wear sweats, not put my contacts in, not have to put makeup on, wear no jewelry, run, camp, hike, football and most sports.
What does that have to do with biblical femininity? NOTHING. Some of those things the world considers feminine.
This year, I am going to study (mostly) Biblical Femininity and how it is in contrast to what the world says is feminine. Are the two totally different - no? But, they are very dissimilar.
What did this come about? I started loving to wear pearls, lotion, and perfume earlier this year. Yes, I did wear them before - but I saw much benefit to wearing them now. So, I like being a girl. But, God wants me to be a woman after his own heart. So, I want to know what that is.
Someone said to me many years ago that I was not a gentle and quiet spirit. That hurt me more than that person will probably ever know. But, then not more than 2 months later, someone else said the thing they appreciated about me the most was that I had a gentle and quiet spirit. This week while home, things came out of my mouth that didn't reflect a gentle and quiet spirit. Rob Plummer mentioned in the sermon this weekend at Sojourn that Paul commands us to "let our gentleness be known to all. (Phil 4).
So, here are I go. Embarking on a year long journey of learning more about what it means to be feminine - according to God's standards.
Here is my list - 12 books that I want to read on this subject. I will read more - but these are in my library (do you have any that you think I should read)? Any topics you think I should study or concentrate on? I would love to hear your thoughts.
Don't know what I'll do with all this knowledge when I'm done with it. Hopefully be transformed by it - inside and out. Hopefully it will be reflective in relationships - not only with God, but with other men and women, family, strangers, church members.
Lord, help.
Faithful Women and Their Extraordinary God - Noel Piper
The Fruitful Life (fruits of the Spirit) - Jerry Bridges (thanks Timothy and Rayann)
Radical Womanhood - Carolyn McCulley (thanks Courtney)
Keep a Quiet Heart - Elisabeth Elliot (thanks Joy)
Called to Womanhood - Beth Impson
Queen Esther's Reflections - Ann Platz (thanks Lorie)
Woman After God's Own Heart - Elizabeth George
Esther and Ruth - Iain Duguid
Praying God's Word - Beth Moore
Beautiful in God's Eyes - Elizabeth George
BeAttitudes - Dorothy Patterson
Holiness - Rhonda Kelley

Note that none of these are specifically about being single, in ministry, married, a wife, a mother, etc. Our femininity is not based on any of those things. They are additives to it. The only things are femininity is based upon are: being created in God's image and the cross of Jesus.

27 Dresses

I've been housesitting this week so I have access to movies that aren't mine (I love people with great movie collections). I hadn't seen this movie, had heard some good things about it, and wanted to check it out.

But, I also learned from Bruce at Southeastern to always watch movies with a critical eye - looking for the worldviews in it and how it differs from God's worldview that He gives us in Scripture. So, I sat down in the lazyboy with my steno pad and pen - and pressed play.

This is what got on paper:

- weddings are more important than marriage

- woman minister in one of the weddings she was in - this denies a complementarian viewpoint and you could also see that in some of the relationships in the movie and random comments.

- Competition and sex is what it boils down to

- They mocked 1 Cor 13

- Kevin (Malcolm) actually had the divorce rate correct - which is also sad.

- True - marriage isn't always easy

- The girly notion of number 1 and longingly looking at the wedding annc page in the newspaper

- Guys - its all about getting laid

- Women try too hard to win the guy's hearts (and again, we are back to the complementarian thing about men leading in relationships)

- Relationships are built on lies (however, this comes to light before the wedding takes place - one redeeming quality, although not in the way she does it)

- Wallow in self-pity

- "rebound" dating - using the other guy

- Love is all sentiment - love is an action and choice

- Getting drunk always helps, and dancing on bar tops, which understandably leads to sex (hint of sarcasm)

- "Last legal form of slavery" - what happened to the marriage for the glory of God?

- Destroying someone else doesn't make you feel better

- It isn't always better being someone else

- Girls take lead in commitment (again, complementarian is completely wrecked).

I hope this inspires you to think more about the movies you watch. I love chick flicks with the best of them. But, I know they are so not a picture of the real world. I read once that chick flicks are female porn. Maybe not porn for guys (sexual) but porn for women - we want the sweep you off your feet, bring me roses, call me right away, talk to me for hours, drop dead gorgeous guy who buys me things - and watching chick flicks makes us want that - instead of maybe what we do have - or what God has planned for us.

Do I still watch chick flicks - yes, but now I watch them with an eye for what is false and hope to pick out something redeeming in them.

Gender Roles Pre-Marriage

This blog post has been in the thinking process for a few days now. But last night, conversing with a friend, something came out of my mouth that put in all into perspective for me.
First to the ladies: Ladies, especially single ones, we need to be living out biblical womanhood now, while we are single. God did not create us as married women - He created us as women - and desires for us to live as women who model biblical womanhood (that's why He gave us women in the Bible, and the writings of Paul). If you need two books to read on this subject - I would recommend Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye - really a book on how to live out biblical womanhood while you are single (Prov 31) written by a single woman, Carolyn McCulley. The second would be RBMW - Piper and Grudem - what was known as the big blue book when I was coming through seminary. Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood is not named Council on Biblical Husbands and Wives. Because that is not where the character is rooted. Our character and qualities as woman are honed by God in our lives prior to us getting married. So, don't be saying to yourself, one day, if I get married, I'll do this...and be this way... Start living the way God would want you to live now: care for the men in your life as brothers in Christ, keep your home, be hospitable in your home and in your church, love your neighbors, learn from older women on how to do these things, mentor the younger women in your life, live by grace, focus on your walk with God - being who God wants you to be as a woman of God.
Married Women - two more books (besides the two above): Biblical Womanhood in the Home (ed by Nancy Leigh Demoss) and Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney. I have read both and re-read both and couldn't recommend books more highly on the subject than these. Love your husbands, respect your husbands, keep your home. First priority in your life, outside of your relationship with God, should be your husbands - then your children and home. That is not to say that you can't work, go to school, hang out with other women - but as Prov 31.12 says - she is to do her husband good all the days of her life. That is going to look for each couple - but our first priority should be our husbands.
Pastors/Godly Leaders - I love the older (or younger) godly men in my life - am so thankful that God has allowed us to be friends. Please shepherd the young men in your keep to be biblical men - to love the women in their life (all of them) as sisters in Christ. Keep setting the bar high in your churches for your men to love Christ, love their wives, show us single women what biblical husbands should be - so that we will know what to look for in our future husbands.
I speak for several single women - we want biblical leaders, masculine, Christ-like men as our husbands. Pastors - please teach this. We crave it and desire it.
Prov 31, Eph 5, Gen 1-2, 1 Peter, 1 Tim 1-3

Feminism and Language

This has been a topic I've been thinking of recently. No matter what stage of life you are in as a woman - this applies to you (and to me).
How important is our language? I'm mostly talking about words and tones here - not body language (that is a whole different topic).
Why does it offend me more when I hear women using cuss words or speaking of sexual topics?
Why does it sadden me when I hear women arguing with or defaming their husbands or other male leaders in their lives?
This is what I am NOT saying: I am not saying that women can't talk about tools, cars, football, etc. I am not saying that women can only talk about babies, tea, shopping, baking, decorating, and makeup. As many of you know me - I love football and seldom talk about makeup. That kind of language is not what I am referring to.
I am more referring to warrior terms, battle terms, pastoral terms (pastor role in a church), cussing, language that tears down others, sexual language that is not meant to be talked about outside of a bedroom of a married (male/female) bedroom (and sometimes not even then because it belittles and secularizes the act of sex that God meant for our good as a husband and wife).
Why does it make me just a little uneasy when I hear of women going and fighting in the wars? Why do I cringe when I hear a woman in the pulpit? Why do I hate watching movies where women are in bars or gossiping about things that they shouldn't be talking about?
I think there are a couple of reasons:
1. We are not obeying Col 3.16: Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
2. We are not obeying Prov 4.24: Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you.
3. We are not obeying Prov 5.3: For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil. (We are being the forbidden woman.)
4. We are not obeying Col 4.6: Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
5. We are not being like the P31 woman in that we do not follow these three traits: The heart of her husband trusts in her,and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life and she opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (Prov 31.11, 12, 26).
So, how can we change this disobedience to obedience?
1. Build up the men in your lives. Encourage them in their masculinity, in the roles that God has created them for, in their walk with Christ. This applies to a Dad, husband, pastor, boss, and your brothers in Christ.
2. Think about what is going to come out of your mouth before it actually does.
3. Watch and read with eyes wide open. Engage your world with a biblical worldview.
4. Encourage other women in your life (your younger women) to be setting the example in speech (as 1 Tim 4.12 says).