The more I live the more I see that this world is not about Christ. Ok - yes, I should know that, and I do. But, the closer I am with God - the more I am in His Word, serving Him, being shaped by Him, the more I am appalled by sin.
Being home the past two days has allowed for good times of reading and little TV watching - that was grand!
With Valentine's Day on Sunday, I thought I would shoot this out there. How do you prepare for Valentine's Day? Last night I made some Vday goodies to share tonight and tomorrow. I am babysitting for a couple on Saturday night so they can have a date. I am making brownies shaped in hearts for a potluck on Sunday. I really don't think much about the fact that I am single on Vday, because I've only ever dated one person on Vday, and it didn't rock my world...so...
I came across this on a blog I read (about fitness mostly, or well-being), and I wanted to counter her 5 points with Scripture. This is how you have to start looking at the world - a biblical worldview!
Noshtopia wrote this: How to have a good Valentine's Day:
1. Be completely selfish. Phil 2.3: Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
This first one is so anti-biblical. I am reading Elyse Fitzpatrick's Counsel from the Cross. The third chapter is all about LOVE. It doesn't say anything about being selfish. I would counter Stephanie's first point by saying on Vday - find something to do for others. I love babysitting for people around Vday (and I usually say I'll do it for free) because I want to be encouraging their marriage.
2. Give Your Inner Voice a Day Off. Counter this with: Preach the Gospel To yourself every day. I actually agree with her point. She knows, as we all do, that if we are single we are usually hating life on Vday because our culture, especially our church culture, makes it miserable for you to be single. I think culture looks upon singleness as a good thing (for mostly wrong reasons). I have found it mostly difficult to be single in the church because most people are pressing you to get married, or women's events are geared toward mothers or wives; not just women.
3. Get Glammed Up and Go Party. Counter this with: 1 Peter 3.3-4: Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. Do I think it is a bad thing to get dressed up and go out to eat, art show, somewhere fun - NO. I love doing it. But so much of our culture presses this issue, especially for single women. This Sunday night, I'm going out to eat with new friends who are coming to look at the seminary. Will I look pretty - as much as I can. But, I can't find my worth in this - or try to use it as a flirtatious model for attracting men.
4. Make Love with Yourself. Counter: Hebrews 13.4: Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. This one appalled me more than any of the others. Where do I begin? Sexual activity is just for the marriage of a man and a woman for life. No where else. I was watching a repeat of "American Life" on ABC Family. The mother of one of the teenagers told the father (in front of the son) - "He's just wanting to figure out if he wants oral sex from one or sex from the other?" For real, on ABC Family? What kind of family show is that? Well, don't need to watch that anymore. Do I really need TV?
5. Write Down 5 Things You DO Have. Counter: And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. The Word tells us to be grateful for all the blessings we do have. God has been so gracious to us. And on this Valentine's Day I am grateful for: new friends, new ministry opportunities, my family, friends who have loved me for a long time, the Word, provision.
So...how do you look at Valentine's Day? What are your plans for the wknd?
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Redeeming Relationships: God, Marriage, and Family: Randy Stinson
I had the privilege of hearing my boss speak at Gilead Baptist Church this past Sunday night. Gilead is starting a Gilead U on marriage (in the spring) and parenting (in the fall). It is to help their church see the importance of these two relationships, how they influence the church (and vice versa) and how the gospel has to be applied to both.
Dr. Stinson, who is the Dean of the School of Church Ministries for The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and President of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, spoke on this topic to kickoff the semester. It is always a pleasure for me to hear him speak because I know what he is saying is practiced in his own home, and I laugh the whole time. Also, I am convicted by what he says and can apply it to my life now - even though I am neither married or a parent.
(Italics are his, regular type is mine).
He started at the beginning - Gen 3.14-15. A Declaration of War! Cursing and enmity. Right there - from the very beginning, Satan has plans to attack the marriage. This war centers on the home. Through the family (conception, children), Satan's destroyer will come. (Jesus is born of a virgin Mary. You can trace his lineage by reading the first chapter of the gospel of Matthew)
You can see this all around. Divorce rate (even within the church, among Christians), in the tabloids at the check out counter, marriages failing, unfaithfulness on the rise, cohabitation so rampant among young adults, delay in marriage.
Satan wants us to get comfortable and not realize that we are at war in our homes. If we let things slide, tempers flare, complacency dominate, Scriptures and family worship fade away - then we are setting ourselves and our marriages up for defeat.
Malachi 4.6 talks about the work of Elijah the prophet in "turning the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers." Stinson remarked that one of the ways Satan wages war on families and the home is that the father's hearts on not turned toward home, their children. They are turned toward work, business, succeeding, and other personal interests.
Ephesians 5. This passage is central to the cosmic interaction. It is not primarily about submission and authority. It is about the gospel. Because of the fall, there will be no more harmonious marriages and argument free families. Dave Harvey wrote a book entitled When Sinners Say I Do if you need to read up on this topic - great book. Ephesians 5 paints a picture of Christ and the church. Marriage is just the picture. Since Satan hates the gospel more than anything, he wants desperately to destroy marriages. You and your marriage are targets.
If you care deeply about the picture Ephesians 5 paints, its not about who mows the lawn or pays the bills, it is about the gospel.
If you love the gospel more than everything else, all else will pale. How will you portray the gospel authentically in your marriage and in your home?
Several times a day we are reminded of our dependence upon God. When we eat, we are reminded that we have to eat - God doesn't. When we get thirsty, we are reminded that God never gets thirsty, but send us the Living Water.
Paul says no one hates his own flesh (Eph 5.29). Yet, why don't we treat out spouse that way? We are so often consumed with ourselves, when we should be consumed with others...namely, our spouse. You wake up every day loving yourself. Love the gospel so this (other's focused, loving your spouse) becomes second nature. Many decisions we make are for ourselves. We are self-centered, not gospel-centered.
What if God's greatest goal in your marriage was not to make you happy? What if the bigger picture is your sanctification and portraying the gospel? I think quite a lot about this, even though I'm not married. I think about my pickiness in a future mate, even those whom I will accept dates from? I want the gospel to be revealed daily in my marriage. If that can't happen, I don't want to be married. I do want someone I'm attracted to, because God did create sex and didn't intend for it to be a chore, but more than anything else, I want a God-glorifying marriage. Embrace this function for your marriage, namely sanctification, instead of praying and longing for a way out.
You don't need to question the will of God for your marriage. If you are in a marriage, that's it. Don't worry about if you are married to the wrong person, or made a mistake. God means for your marriage to stay pure and strong. And to the same extent that God loves the Gospel (He sent His Son) and loves your marriage (He created the institution of marriage), Satan hates it. How can you go home - right now - and bless your wife (or husband)? We care more about ourselves than we do about the gospel and our spouse? What needs to change in your life so you care more about your marriage and the gospel then yourself?
The Harris brothers wrote a book for (mostly) teenagers entitled Do Hard Things a few years ago. It was calling teenagers to not take the easy road, but to pursue hard things, excel at what they do, press on. Dr. Stinson said another great title for a book would be "Do Little Things". So often we fail in doing the little things in life. This is a biblical concept - be faithful in the little things (Luke 16.10).
Sanctification: I don't know what God's will for your life is - but I know it is sanctification. Since He loves His Son preeminently, you can bet you becoming like His Son is a first priority.
Many will say "my wife (husband, job, traffic, kids) make me impatience (angry, selfish). No, these things don't make you ________, it just reveals that you are _______. So, if you get impatient with your husband because he fails to take the garbage out when you ask him to, then its not him that makes you that way, the situation reveals that your heart is full of impatience and full of self. Matthew 15 says this very thing: "what comes out of the mouth defiles a person." What comes out of the mouth reveals the state of the heart. You do the right thing - don't be concerned with the response of your spouse. You do right. Start with correcting your heart and yourself. A saying my Mom always says is you can never control what others will do, just your response to the situation.
Forgiveness is key element of a healthy marriage:
1. Ask for it.
2. Create a climate for it.
3. Remember, you are clothed in Christ's righteousness, not your own.
4. This is a lifestyle, not an emergency valve.
5. Reconciliation is key - not separation, subversion, or undermining.
The question I left asking myself is this: What would help me picture the gospel the best? Would it be to get married? Would it be to stay single? What it be to be faithful in the things that God has called me to: to love people, disciple girls, write, be a homemaker, take care of myself, be a good steward? I think I'll choose to be faithful where He has me, and have faith that He will take me where He wants me.
Dr. Stinson, who is the Dean of the School of Church Ministries for The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary and President of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, spoke on this topic to kickoff the semester. It is always a pleasure for me to hear him speak because I know what he is saying is practiced in his own home, and I laugh the whole time. Also, I am convicted by what he says and can apply it to my life now - even though I am neither married or a parent.
(Italics are his, regular type is mine).
He started at the beginning - Gen 3.14-15. A Declaration of War! Cursing and enmity. Right there - from the very beginning, Satan has plans to attack the marriage. This war centers on the home. Through the family (conception, children), Satan's destroyer will come. (Jesus is born of a virgin Mary. You can trace his lineage by reading the first chapter of the gospel of Matthew)
You can see this all around. Divorce rate (even within the church, among Christians), in the tabloids at the check out counter, marriages failing, unfaithfulness on the rise, cohabitation so rampant among young adults, delay in marriage.
Satan wants us to get comfortable and not realize that we are at war in our homes. If we let things slide, tempers flare, complacency dominate, Scriptures and family worship fade away - then we are setting ourselves and our marriages up for defeat.
Malachi 4.6 talks about the work of Elijah the prophet in "turning the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers." Stinson remarked that one of the ways Satan wages war on families and the home is that the father's hearts on not turned toward home, their children. They are turned toward work, business, succeeding, and other personal interests.
Ephesians 5. This passage is central to the cosmic interaction. It is not primarily about submission and authority. It is about the gospel. Because of the fall, there will be no more harmonious marriages and argument free families. Dave Harvey wrote a book entitled When Sinners Say I Do if you need to read up on this topic - great book. Ephesians 5 paints a picture of Christ and the church. Marriage is just the picture. Since Satan hates the gospel more than anything, he wants desperately to destroy marriages. You and your marriage are targets.
If you care deeply about the picture Ephesians 5 paints, its not about who mows the lawn or pays the bills, it is about the gospel.
If you love the gospel more than everything else, all else will pale. How will you portray the gospel authentically in your marriage and in your home?
Several times a day we are reminded of our dependence upon God. When we eat, we are reminded that we have to eat - God doesn't. When we get thirsty, we are reminded that God never gets thirsty, but send us the Living Water.
Paul says no one hates his own flesh (Eph 5.29). Yet, why don't we treat out spouse that way? We are so often consumed with ourselves, when we should be consumed with others...namely, our spouse. You wake up every day loving yourself. Love the gospel so this (other's focused, loving your spouse) becomes second nature. Many decisions we make are for ourselves. We are self-centered, not gospel-centered.
What if God's greatest goal in your marriage was not to make you happy? What if the bigger picture is your sanctification and portraying the gospel? I think quite a lot about this, even though I'm not married. I think about my pickiness in a future mate, even those whom I will accept dates from? I want the gospel to be revealed daily in my marriage. If that can't happen, I don't want to be married. I do want someone I'm attracted to, because God did create sex and didn't intend for it to be a chore, but more than anything else, I want a God-glorifying marriage. Embrace this function for your marriage, namely sanctification, instead of praying and longing for a way out.
You don't need to question the will of God for your marriage. If you are in a marriage, that's it. Don't worry about if you are married to the wrong person, or made a mistake. God means for your marriage to stay pure and strong. And to the same extent that God loves the Gospel (He sent His Son) and loves your marriage (He created the institution of marriage), Satan hates it. How can you go home - right now - and bless your wife (or husband)? We care more about ourselves than we do about the gospel and our spouse? What needs to change in your life so you care more about your marriage and the gospel then yourself?
The Harris brothers wrote a book for (mostly) teenagers entitled Do Hard Things a few years ago. It was calling teenagers to not take the easy road, but to pursue hard things, excel at what they do, press on. Dr. Stinson said another great title for a book would be "Do Little Things". So often we fail in doing the little things in life. This is a biblical concept - be faithful in the little things (Luke 16.10).
Sanctification: I don't know what God's will for your life is - but I know it is sanctification. Since He loves His Son preeminently, you can bet you becoming like His Son is a first priority.
Many will say "my wife (husband, job, traffic, kids) make me impatience (angry, selfish). No, these things don't make you ________, it just reveals that you are _______. So, if you get impatient with your husband because he fails to take the garbage out when you ask him to, then its not him that makes you that way, the situation reveals that your heart is full of impatience and full of self. Matthew 15 says this very thing: "what comes out of the mouth defiles a person." What comes out of the mouth reveals the state of the heart. You do the right thing - don't be concerned with the response of your spouse. You do right. Start with correcting your heart and yourself. A saying my Mom always says is you can never control what others will do, just your response to the situation.
Forgiveness is key element of a healthy marriage:
1. Ask for it.
2. Create a climate for it.
3. Remember, you are clothed in Christ's righteousness, not your own.
4. This is a lifestyle, not an emergency valve.
5. Reconciliation is key - not separation, subversion, or undermining.
The question I left asking myself is this: What would help me picture the gospel the best? Would it be to get married? Would it be to stay single? What it be to be faithful in the things that God has called me to: to love people, disciple girls, write, be a homemaker, take care of myself, be a good steward? I think I'll choose to be faithful where He has me, and have faith that He will take me where He wants me.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Raisin Cakes
At first glance of the title, some of you are probably thinking I have the wrong blog. Raisin cakes - isn't that something you eat (like those little debbie oatmeal raisin cream pies - my fave)? Well, not these raisin cakes (for me).
Raisin cakes were cakes given to the gods of the lands in the Old Testament. In Hosea, the Lord tells Hosea to love Gomer - even though she'll turn away and be like those who love other gods and raisin cakes.
So, it got me thinking: what is my raisin cake? What am I willing to love more than God? Ok - maybe not literally, but practically speaking...What do I love more than God, the Lover of my soul and the Healer of my faithlessness?
This goes hand in hand with the verse from yesterday. Love those moments in the shower when the Spirit speaks something so clear - almost like He was talking audibly to me. This was one of those moments.
Colossians 3.4 - "When Christ, who is your life appears, then you will also appear with him in glory."
Basically - the first part - when Christ, who is YOUR LIFE. Christ - my life? Does my life resemble that?
What would people say I'm about? Florida football (when or lose), cooking, baking, exercising, weight loss, Mentalist and Simon Baker, North Carolina, beaches? I mean - isn't that what most people think I am about?
Make note that CHRIST is my LIFE. There is more to life than football games, cooking, burning cookies (or sweet potatoes like I did today), or traveling, or March Madness.
Christ is more important than sappy seminary relationships - or the lack thereof. (I'm currently listening to one dude who can't shutup about his girlfriends cooking and is sounding just ridiculous. Man, does he know how pathetic he sounds. "God could send a million punchbuggies during this meal and I wouldn't punch you one time, this meal is so good." (bleh) The girl is like just eat already. How many times can you say "its awesome" - 20? Ok, minor detour. Did he just say "your stomach is precious" - really? Some of you will know what I'm talking about, some of you be glad you don't).
All this blog is to say is maybe take some time to reevaluate your life - what is your life? Would people see Christ as the most important thing in your life and would how you think, what you say, what you do during your day, spend your money - reflect an accurate answer? A couple of good books to read for this topic would be: Redeeming Love and Counterfeit Gods.
Thankful to the Word and the Spirit
Raisin cakes were cakes given to the gods of the lands in the Old Testament. In Hosea, the Lord tells Hosea to love Gomer - even though she'll turn away and be like those who love other gods and raisin cakes.
So, it got me thinking: what is my raisin cake? What am I willing to love more than God? Ok - maybe not literally, but practically speaking...What do I love more than God, the Lover of my soul and the Healer of my faithlessness?
This goes hand in hand with the verse from yesterday. Love those moments in the shower when the Spirit speaks something so clear - almost like He was talking audibly to me. This was one of those moments.
Colossians 3.4 - "When Christ, who is your life appears, then you will also appear with him in glory."
Basically - the first part - when Christ, who is YOUR LIFE. Christ - my life? Does my life resemble that?
What would people say I'm about? Florida football (when or lose), cooking, baking, exercising, weight loss, Mentalist and Simon Baker, North Carolina, beaches? I mean - isn't that what most people think I am about?
Make note that CHRIST is my LIFE. There is more to life than football games, cooking, burning cookies (or sweet potatoes like I did today), or traveling, or March Madness.
Christ is more important than sappy seminary relationships - or the lack thereof. (I'm currently listening to one dude who can't shutup about his girlfriends cooking and is sounding just ridiculous. Man, does he know how pathetic he sounds. "God could send a million punchbuggies during this meal and I wouldn't punch you one time, this meal is so good." (bleh) The girl is like just eat already. How many times can you say "its awesome" - 20? Ok, minor detour. Did he just say "your stomach is precious" - really? Some of you will know what I'm talking about, some of you be glad you don't).
All this blog is to say is maybe take some time to reevaluate your life - what is your life? Would people see Christ as the most important thing in your life and would how you think, what you say, what you do during your day, spend your money - reflect an accurate answer? A couple of good books to read for this topic would be: Redeeming Love and Counterfeit Gods.
Thankful to the Word and the Spirit
Thursday, July 23, 2009
With One Voice - Alex Chediak
This book isn't a new release, but this is the first time I've had opportunity to pick it up and read it. This is a great "what to do now" book. With One Voice: Singleness, Dating & Marriage to the Glory of God is a very practical, quick read. This book has study questions in the back of each chapter. This is a book I wished I had read and applied during my few relationships. It would have made those relationships go a lot better for the glory of God. But, this is why I'm telling you guys to read it now.
This book goes from teenagers to those are older and dating and wanting to get married. Talks about what to do during each stage, what not to do in those stages, why accountability with different ages of people is important, why Christian Biblical community is important in relationships.
My favorite part is how this book ended - with a declaration of the gospel and placing our Hope not in relationships but in Jesus:
"But, oh, the grace that God extends to needy sinners who turn to Him in genuine faith and repentance. Is. 64.4. GOD actually works FOR those who wait for Him. There is forgiveness and power for right living in Him. He loves to show Himself strong for those who humbly submit themselves to His lordship and treasure Him above all else. So no matter where you've been yesterday, seek Him for your tomorrow."
Alex and Marni - thank you for writing this book. May God's blessings be on your family and as you continue to encourage singles in your sphere of influence - both in your local community and as folks read this little book.
This book goes from teenagers to those are older and dating and wanting to get married. Talks about what to do during each stage, what not to do in those stages, why accountability with different ages of people is important, why Christian Biblical community is important in relationships.
My favorite part is how this book ended - with a declaration of the gospel and placing our Hope not in relationships but in Jesus:
"But, oh, the grace that God extends to needy sinners who turn to Him in genuine faith and repentance. Is. 64.4. GOD actually works FOR those who wait for Him. There is forgiveness and power for right living in Him. He loves to show Himself strong for those who humbly submit themselves to His lordship and treasure Him above all else. So no matter where you've been yesterday, seek Him for your tomorrow."
Alex and Marni - thank you for writing this book. May God's blessings be on your family and as you continue to encourage singles in your sphere of influence - both in your local community and as folks read this little book.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
27 Dresses
I've been housesitting this week so I have access to movies that aren't mine (I love people with great movie collections). I hadn't seen this movie, had heard some good things about it, and wanted to check it out.
But, I also learned from Bruce at Southeastern to always watch movies with a critical eye - looking for the worldviews in it and how it differs from God's worldview that He gives us in Scripture. So, I sat down in the lazyboy with my steno pad and pen - and pressed play.
This is what got on paper:
- weddings are more important than marriage
- woman minister in one of the weddings she was in - this denies a complementarian viewpoint and you could also see that in some of the relationships in the movie and random comments.
- Competition and sex is what it boils down to
- They mocked 1 Cor 13
- Kevin (Malcolm) actually had the divorce rate correct - which is also sad.
- True - marriage isn't always easy
- The girly notion of number 1 and longingly looking at the wedding annc page in the newspaper
- Guys - its all about getting laid
- Women try too hard to win the guy's hearts (and again, we are back to the complementarian thing about men leading in relationships)
- Relationships are built on lies (however, this comes to light before the wedding takes place - one redeeming quality, although not in the way she does it)
- Wallow in self-pity
- "rebound" dating - using the other guy
- Love is all sentiment - love is an action and choice
- Getting drunk always helps, and dancing on bar tops, which understandably leads to sex (hint of sarcasm)
- "Last legal form of slavery" - what happened to the marriage for the glory of God?
- Destroying someone else doesn't make you feel better
- It isn't always better being someone else
- Girls take lead in commitment (again, complementarian is completely wrecked).
I hope this inspires you to think more about the movies you watch. I love chick flicks with the best of them. But, I know they are so not a picture of the real world. I read once that chick flicks are female porn. Maybe not porn for guys (sexual) but porn for women - we want the sweep you off your feet, bring me roses, call me right away, talk to me for hours, drop dead gorgeous guy who buys me things - and watching chick flicks makes us want that - instead of maybe what we do have - or what God has planned for us.
Do I still watch chick flicks - yes, but now I watch them with an eye for what is false and hope to pick out something redeeming in them.
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
Ken Sande - Peacemaking Marriage
Last night the Leadership school here at Southern had the opportunity to host Mr. Ken Sande, Director of Peacemaker Ministries. The first event was a couples' dessert. Well, you might ask...why was I attending - I'm not a couple. But, I do work for the LEAD School so I had to be there. What a treat I was in for! :)
His goal of marriage: to feel safer and happier near (your spouse) than anywhere else in this world. And the only way to get there: the gospel of Jesus Christ.
He shared many stories from his own marriage and parenting and other experiences in his life. He was personable and funny - but serious when it came to marriage and the gospel. And forgiveness and repentance. His points were Word-based and focused on the good news of the gospel of Jesus. In a Q/A time - he pointed out from John 13, 17 that this type of peacemaking would also be great for evangelistic purposes.
Marriages show the world the mystery and the glory of Christ. I pray for marriages that I know that their marriage would showcase that Glory. I pray for my own marriage - if God ever blesses in that way - that I would be a safe harbor for my husband to come to (and our home).
The thing I caught the most was to breathe grace. This also goes along with what Dustin preached on Sunday at church. our words and (internal talk) should always breathe grace to people.
His goal of marriage: to feel safer and happier near (your spouse) than anywhere else in this world. And the only way to get there: the gospel of Jesus Christ.
He shared many stories from his own marriage and parenting and other experiences in his life. He was personable and funny - but serious when it came to marriage and the gospel. And forgiveness and repentance. His points were Word-based and focused on the good news of the gospel of Jesus. In a Q/A time - he pointed out from John 13, 17 that this type of peacemaking would also be great for evangelistic purposes.
Marriages show the world the mystery and the glory of Christ. I pray for marriages that I know that their marriage would showcase that Glory. I pray for my own marriage - if God ever blesses in that way - that I would be a safe harbor for my husband to come to (and our home).
The thing I caught the most was to breathe grace. This also goes along with what Dustin preached on Sunday at church. our words and (internal talk) should always breathe grace to people.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
eHarmony Radio Commercial
Disclaimer: This is not a blog about my thoughts pertaining to online dating as a whole - just a commercial I heard yesterday on the radio.
Online dating - our tvs are bombarded with commercials and now so are our radio stations. eHarmony is supposedly the "Christian" online dating service. As I was driving out to my friends' house yesterday to do some babysitting - I heard this and really just laughed at it.
The "commentator" came on and said life is so busy, we work, come home, walk the dog, eat something, watch a little television, and go to bed. Who has time do think about dating and finding the right person to date. That's where eHarmony comes in - we take all the guess work, hard work out of it.
Of course I am paraphrasing some, but that was the basic of it. Let me tell you...dating is hard. A friend of mine said "your dating time should be the easiest because it only gets harder." In some ways I agree with that. But, that is not to say that dating isn't tough.
Dating is tough because both people are sinners - both people want their own way. It is tough because we daily fight the battle of sin for purity in a filthy world when it comes to sexual temptations. It is tough because you are trying to discern from God if this is the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with - while not trying to put too much pressure on the relationship.
One of the first dating books I read was Josh Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye. How do we fit those principles (accountability, the male leadership in every aspect of the relationship, the community of family and the church) in with easy online dating?
Dating - which should lead to marriage - and marriage is a grace gift of God (our loving heavenly Father) to refine us and make us more into the image of His Son. That isn't easy. Not at least while we live in the flesh.
Online dating - our tvs are bombarded with commercials and now so are our radio stations. eHarmony is supposedly the "Christian" online dating service. As I was driving out to my friends' house yesterday to do some babysitting - I heard this and really just laughed at it.
The "commentator" came on and said life is so busy, we work, come home, walk the dog, eat something, watch a little television, and go to bed. Who has time do think about dating and finding the right person to date. That's where eHarmony comes in - we take all the guess work, hard work out of it.
Of course I am paraphrasing some, but that was the basic of it. Let me tell you...dating is hard. A friend of mine said "your dating time should be the easiest because it only gets harder." In some ways I agree with that. But, that is not to say that dating isn't tough.
Dating is tough because both people are sinners - both people want their own way. It is tough because we daily fight the battle of sin for purity in a filthy world when it comes to sexual temptations. It is tough because you are trying to discern from God if this is the person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with - while not trying to put too much pressure on the relationship.
One of the first dating books I read was Josh Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye. How do we fit those principles (accountability, the male leadership in every aspect of the relationship, the community of family and the church) in with easy online dating?
Dating - which should lead to marriage - and marriage is a grace gift of God (our loving heavenly Father) to refine us and make us more into the image of His Son. That isn't easy. Not at least while we live in the flesh.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Sacred Influence - Gary Thomas
To all of you women out there who are married - may God richly bless you in your marriage. After reading this book - I am even more assured that this task should not be undertaken without Jesus. Sacred Influence is a must read for all married women and women who want to be married one day. Gary Thomas also wrote Sacred Marriage, Sacred Parenting, etc.
Here are just some of the quotes that I felt were extremely challenging or uplifting - and some Scriptures that I found very pertinent:
"Women tend to be more invested in their relationships and marriage than are men. Woman are bent to their husbands." (p 19) - He went on to say that this wasn't a good thing - it was a result of the fall - that women would desire their husband's place.
"Some women never rise above a sinful propensity to define themselves according to their likability or acceptance by men." (p 20) Man, how true is this (no pun intended). In the many years that I have ministered to women - I find this to be incredibly true (sadly in my life at times as well). I've seen women stay with men who aren't good for them just because they can't see their lives single. Oh, but we have a Husband!
"If you're trying to find your primary refuge in your husband, if you've centered your hope on his approval, if you will do almost anything to gain his acceptance, then you've just given to a man what rightfully belongs to God." (27) - I spent much of one relationship this way - it is not the right way to go about it. God is the only ONE who can satisfy you - whether married or single. The life of hurt that comes from doing the above is not worth it. God brings so much more joy!
"A good marriage doesn't happen by accident, and a good marriage isn't maintained by accident." (35) - Both are the work of the Spirit and the foundation of Jesus and His unchanging truth in the life of the 2 who are married.
"This should be the goal of every husband and wife - a man aspiring to be worthy of his wife and vice versa (38). I think I learned a lot of this from Phyllis and Billy. They once told me something back in college when Chuck and I were doing a project together. Pursue Jesus - love him - and out of that you will be able to love your spouse. The thing they want most is for the other one to love Jesus more. If Phyllis was loving Jesus - then she would be serving Billy in the ways that he needed - and vice versa.
"Nothing compares to being married to a godly woman - nothing. Nothing gets more tiresome more quickly than living with a narcissistic, weak, and fearful one." (39) - Oh, God - make me like the first one - make me more like You daily!
"Fighting your husband's irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline on a fire" (p?) - Something else he said in line with this is how much easier it is to sin when we have been wronged. How true is that? But, that is when peace, patience, a gentle and quiet spirit, one wrapped and soaked in grace and mercy comes in handy (all given to us by a gracious and loving Father).
"That's why forgiveness is so crucial - we need to let go of the past so we don't keep coloring the present with it" (137) - Oh, forgiveness - how I need it every day, and so do others. Mercy, there it is again!
"Someday, a young woman will have the opportunity to make me one of the happiest fathers-in-law who has ever lived - simply by loving my son well - by being generous, kind, and encouraging, by helping him become all that God intends for him to become, by forgiving him when he sins, lifting him up when he's discouraged, comforting him when he is sad, and sharing in his glory when he succeeds." (241) - This is what I want to be - this is what I encourage all of you wives to do - love your God well - in order to love your husband well.
Ecc 9:17, 2 Cor 7.1, 1 Cor 7.17, Phil 2
May you strive to love Jesus and love your husband
Here are just some of the quotes that I felt were extremely challenging or uplifting - and some Scriptures that I found very pertinent:
"Women tend to be more invested in their relationships and marriage than are men. Woman are bent to their husbands." (p 19) - He went on to say that this wasn't a good thing - it was a result of the fall - that women would desire their husband's place.
"Some women never rise above a sinful propensity to define themselves according to their likability or acceptance by men." (p 20) Man, how true is this (no pun intended). In the many years that I have ministered to women - I find this to be incredibly true (sadly in my life at times as well). I've seen women stay with men who aren't good for them just because they can't see their lives single. Oh, but we have a Husband!
"If you're trying to find your primary refuge in your husband, if you've centered your hope on his approval, if you will do almost anything to gain his acceptance, then you've just given to a man what rightfully belongs to God." (27) - I spent much of one relationship this way - it is not the right way to go about it. God is the only ONE who can satisfy you - whether married or single. The life of hurt that comes from doing the above is not worth it. God brings so much more joy!
"A good marriage doesn't happen by accident, and a good marriage isn't maintained by accident." (35) - Both are the work of the Spirit and the foundation of Jesus and His unchanging truth in the life of the 2 who are married.
"This should be the goal of every husband and wife - a man aspiring to be worthy of his wife and vice versa (38). I think I learned a lot of this from Phyllis and Billy. They once told me something back in college when Chuck and I were doing a project together. Pursue Jesus - love him - and out of that you will be able to love your spouse. The thing they want most is for the other one to love Jesus more. If Phyllis was loving Jesus - then she would be serving Billy in the ways that he needed - and vice versa.
"Nothing compares to being married to a godly woman - nothing. Nothing gets more tiresome more quickly than living with a narcissistic, weak, and fearful one." (39) - Oh, God - make me like the first one - make me more like You daily!
"Fighting your husband's irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline on a fire" (p?) - Something else he said in line with this is how much easier it is to sin when we have been wronged. How true is that? But, that is when peace, patience, a gentle and quiet spirit, one wrapped and soaked in grace and mercy comes in handy (all given to us by a gracious and loving Father).
"That's why forgiveness is so crucial - we need to let go of the past so we don't keep coloring the present with it" (137) - Oh, forgiveness - how I need it every day, and so do others. Mercy, there it is again!
"Someday, a young woman will have the opportunity to make me one of the happiest fathers-in-law who has ever lived - simply by loving my son well - by being generous, kind, and encouraging, by helping him become all that God intends for him to become, by forgiving him when he sins, lifting him up when he's discouraged, comforting him when he is sad, and sharing in his glory when he succeeds." (241) - This is what I want to be - this is what I encourage all of you wives to do - love your God well - in order to love your husband well.
Ecc 9:17, 2 Cor 7.1, 1 Cor 7.17, Phil 2
May you strive to love Jesus and love your husband
Thursday, November 01, 2007
The Thrill of the Chaste
This book has come into my sphere of knowledge in the last month or so. A pastor's wife and friend in NY mentioned it to me. She said it opened her eyes to the reality of what some women live through - the idea that premarital sex is going to be fulfilling.
A fellow blogger and youth ministry person in NC had this book in his library, so I asked if I could borrow it. He said I could, graciously sent it to me, and I've now finished the book.
All in all, I think the book was good. Dawn Eden is a self-described Agnostic Jew who is now a born-again Christian. She is 38 and still single, living in the NY area. This book is real and transparent as to her life before she became a Christian and how God has done a work of grace in her life since her salvation experience.
This book would be a great read for young women who have come from a lifestyle of random sexual partners or serious boyfriends who they are sexually active with. It would be great for them to see someone who has lived it out and is still not satisfied with the results. Happiness doesn't come from that. Happiness and ultimate satisfaction comes from Jesus. He may grace us with a spouse, but He may not as well - all in His sovereignty.
Below are some quotes I thought were good:
"As time passed, however, another, clearer advantage came into view. It was the realization that all the sex I had ever had - in and out of relationships - never brought me any closer to marriage or even being able to sustain a committed relationship."
"By viewing sex as a means to an end rather that the fruit of a loving relationship, I rendered myself incapable of having a loving relationship."
"Active resolution: the determination to never miss an opportunity to experience God's grace, or miss an opportunity to share His grace with others." - (Instead of never getting out in the world or always trying to pursue and date).
I think this book is weak on its theology, though definitely written from a Christian viewpoint. It brings up points of interest, but doesn't complete them - only offers little blips. But, it was in the Christian living section/relationships, not theology.
This book has been relatively hard for me on a personal level: God has shown me some ways I tend to pursue single men, those ways may not be the conventional way, but they are my ways - and with an impure heart - so pursuing isn't right, no matter how you do it. It also has brought me many moments of loneliness. So, I'm glad I'm done reading this book.
A fellow blogger and youth ministry person in NC had this book in his library, so I asked if I could borrow it. He said I could, graciously sent it to me, and I've now finished the book.
All in all, I think the book was good. Dawn Eden is a self-described Agnostic Jew who is now a born-again Christian. She is 38 and still single, living in the NY area. This book is real and transparent as to her life before she became a Christian and how God has done a work of grace in her life since her salvation experience.
This book would be a great read for young women who have come from a lifestyle of random sexual partners or serious boyfriends who they are sexually active with. It would be great for them to see someone who has lived it out and is still not satisfied with the results. Happiness doesn't come from that. Happiness and ultimate satisfaction comes from Jesus. He may grace us with a spouse, but He may not as well - all in His sovereignty.
Below are some quotes I thought were good:
"As time passed, however, another, clearer advantage came into view. It was the realization that all the sex I had ever had - in and out of relationships - never brought me any closer to marriage or even being able to sustain a committed relationship."
"By viewing sex as a means to an end rather that the fruit of a loving relationship, I rendered myself incapable of having a loving relationship."
"Active resolution: the determination to never miss an opportunity to experience God's grace, or miss an opportunity to share His grace with others." - (Instead of never getting out in the world or always trying to pursue and date).
I think this book is weak on its theology, though definitely written from a Christian viewpoint. It brings up points of interest, but doesn't complete them - only offers little blips. But, it was in the Christian living section/relationships, not theology.
This book has been relatively hard for me on a personal level: God has shown me some ways I tend to pursue single men, those ways may not be the conventional way, but they are my ways - and with an impure heart - so pursuing isn't right, no matter how you do it. It also has brought me many moments of loneliness. So, I'm glad I'm done reading this book.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart
Another book down - another book review being written. Doing Things Right in Matters of the Heart is a book that is sort of a hybrid between RBMW, Sacred Marriage, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye. All good in there own right, this one adds something to the mix. This is also the current book club reading for the Girls on their blog - so check out their weekly thoughts (usually on Fridays). I think we are on chapter 3 if you are reading it together - so its not too late to get in on the action
This is by a new guy to me, John Ensor, who lives in the NE with his family and directs Heartbeat International.
This book is a quick read and can be done in one afternoon. It is written for both men and women and would be excellent in a young married or singles group at a church.
The first part of it deals with the base of his subject: biblical manhood and womanhood, salvation, relationship with God, how things got so messed up in the first place, etc. Good meat but his writing styles tend to jump around too much for my liking; although I do like the personal feeling to his writing.
The second half is more practical in nature. Deals with subjects like submission in dating/courtship, family responsibilities, personal qualities in both men and women, sacrificing, and happiness in relationships. This part is very good - for singles or married couples.
One of my fave verses he used in the whole book was Ps 107.9: "For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things."
"When God prohibits something, he is not robbing us of a good time. He is preserving for us a better time. He is blessing us and this blessing is for both men and women equally."
Talking about how pair figure skating and dating look the same (or should): "Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it."
Probably the most famous quote in the whole book speaks of how women can be open to a man's inquiry: "It is for women to crack the twigs and stir the leaves so we know where to find them." I think that is the hardest thing for godly women to know how to do.
Good book altogether, one I would recommend. And it is a perfect complement to the book I'm also reading right now, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye from Carolyn McCulley.
This is by a new guy to me, John Ensor, who lives in the NE with his family and directs Heartbeat International.
This book is a quick read and can be done in one afternoon. It is written for both men and women and would be excellent in a young married or singles group at a church.
The first part of it deals with the base of his subject: biblical manhood and womanhood, salvation, relationship with God, how things got so messed up in the first place, etc. Good meat but his writing styles tend to jump around too much for my liking; although I do like the personal feeling to his writing.
The second half is more practical in nature. Deals with subjects like submission in dating/courtship, family responsibilities, personal qualities in both men and women, sacrificing, and happiness in relationships. This part is very good - for singles or married couples.
One of my fave verses he used in the whole book was Ps 107.9: "For He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things."
"When God prohibits something, he is not robbing us of a good time. He is preserving for us a better time. He is blessing us and this blessing is for both men and women equally."
Talking about how pair figure skating and dating look the same (or should): "Her focus is on following his lead and signaling her readiness to receive his next move. He takes responsibility for the two of them, and she trusts his leadership and delights in it."
Probably the most famous quote in the whole book speaks of how women can be open to a man's inquiry: "It is for women to crack the twigs and stir the leaves so we know where to find them." I think that is the hardest thing for godly women to know how to do.
Good book altogether, one I would recommend. And it is a perfect complement to the book I'm also reading right now, Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye from Carolyn McCulley.
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