Please pray the top portion of this for me - I would cherish it...
No, not thoughts on my job - but thoughts on the Job - yes, the guy in the Bible who lost everything and still praised God.
The last two months of my life have been lived in a drought. There isn't even a struggle to do a QT - there just isn't one. Ministry ended for the semester - so I'm not "doing" anything and that means what? Nothing else fulfills me either - I may do lots of other things: cook, watch tv, exercise...but those aren't fulfilling me. But, honestly, I said the other day to myself...I wasn't getting anything out of reading the Bible so why do that, but nothing else in life is going to fulfill either...no satisfaction.
I think this hit home the other day when a missionary friend of mine asked me what I was looking forward to...what was the next big thing on the plate...and I told her honestly...nothing. When everyday seriously I would love to wake up and have an incredible passion just to be in the Word and be with JEsus. Not do anything for Him everyday necessarily - but just be with Him. Find my worth in Him and Him alone. Not finding my worth in my ministry, in what I do, in who I know, but in HIM. I also know that my actions - good or bad - do not define my standing before a Holy God. Only Jesus does that - and He has done that - the Cross is finished and the tomb is empty - what am I doing with it though? Not to earn my salvation - but to be pleasing to the one who has saved me - to be a sharer in His Sufferings.
Anyway, so as I was reflecting on the Matt Redman song today "Blessed Be Your Name" I knew I needed to come home and read this book. I haven't lost much (except my fervor for my Jesus and my gallbladder), but I want to know how to get it back - press on with praise...I don't want it to be just something I say - I want it to be real again. My Mentor once told me when you don't feel like doing your QTs - do them anyway - God will reward. Sorry - I haven't even listened to that advice.
I want to renounce the sin of filling time with other things besides Jesus. I want to be able to look my friend in the face and say, yeah - look what I read in the Word today.
Anyway, the light in the living room is going on now, I'm eating an apple, sitting with my Bible opened to Job. Thanks for letting me journal my way through it...
1.1 - This is how probably I would be defined by people - but oh, God you wouldn't say this of me right now. I have not been turning away from the evil of denying you in my time of my day and putting you first - FIRST. "Turning" seems to be a constant action - that is not me. I can't do it one time - I need to do it every time.
1.20-22 - He came in reaction to the bad things that had just taken place in His life. He came humbly because He knew he had no ground on which to stand. He still knew and clung to the Sovereignity of God. He knows that God is still God. God is still a God who restores sinners (me) to right standing with Him for us to grow in knowledge and grace and to do the good works that He before ordained that we should WALK (constant) in Him.
2.10 - I know that sin helps us learn stuff about God (restoration, grace) and Job also learned from God during his adversity. I don't want to be like the foolish woman (Job's wife), but a woman who fears and follows God.
3.26 - "I am not at ease, I am not quiet, and I am not at rest, but turmoil comes." Restoration - turn my mourning into dancing. I want the laughter back, true JOY that doesn't come in life's dealings - but comes from a deep and pure relationship with the only ONE who matters.
5.8-9 - "But as for me, I would seek God, and I would place my cause before god, who does great and unsearchable things wonders without number." i love this verse - even though we may use it out of context. I am waiting for God to do rich and great things in me - to give me a love and passion for him again
5.17-18 - "Behold how happy is the man whom God reproves, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For He inflicts pain, and gives relief, He wounds and his hands also heal."
8.15 - "He trusts in his house, but it does not stand." What is my house? Works? Teaching? People I know? My brain? What is it? All of it is nothing except Jesus - I wish that were true for me right now, Phil 3 - but it isn't. God - make it that. Make everything else TRASH to me except for knowing you!!! I remember singing and learning that song my first semester of seminary - I loved it - I pursued the words of that song - the truth of it - where am I know - 6 year later - is it true right now - Oh, God make it that again. "Light the Fire in my heart again" - an old YL song.
I end Job in chapter 11 tonight - more tomorrow - but I'm off to read Phil 3 and Ps 1 and Ps 27. Pray those for me if you are reading this - pray the reality of those Words to be forever burned on my heart and therefore the scar is on the outside.